Showing posts with label finger. Show all posts
Showing posts with label finger. Show all posts

Tuesday, July 2, 2019

Building a roster of the cap era’s worst July 1 signings

So the first day of free agency has come and gone. How did your team do?

Probably not well. If history is any guide, your team either missed out on the big signings, or paid way too much to get in on them. If we’ve learned anything about July 1 in the salary cap era, it’s that jumping in with both feet on Day 1 of the open market can lead to a lot of regret. There are bargains, sure, and occasionally a team will sign a big-dollar deal that works out great. But those are exceptions. Most of the time, July 1 is the day that GMs do their very worst work.

That feels like something worth celebrating. So as we recover from yesterday’s chaos and try to digest all the money NHL GMs just threw around, let’s look back on the mistakes of the past by building a full roster out of some of the worst July 1 UFA deals of the cap era.

A couple of quick ground rules:

– We’re only looking for UFA deals that were signed on July 1. That rules out a few names you might be expecting to see here, like New York’s Brad Richards or Calgary’s James Neal (both of whose deals came a few days into free agency) and Philadelphia’s Ilya Bryzgalov (who was actually acquired in a trade and signed before he reached UFA status, but still needs to be mentioned here because that was hilarious).

– We’re judging signings based on a mix of the reaction at the time and how the deal looks with the benefit of hindsight. Because of that second part, we’re going to try really hard not to include any of this year’s signing, although (double-checks yesterday’s list) yeah no promises.

– The 2013 offseason schedule was thrown off a few days by the lockout, so for that season only “July 1” is actually July 5.

All contract information, including signing date and cap hit percentage, is from the CapFriendly signing database. Salaries are average annual value; “cap hit” is the percentage of that season’s cap.

As you might expect, there’s going to be some overlap with our worst possible cap team exercise from last season. But as bad as that roster was, this one might be even more depressing. You’ve been warned. Let’s get started.

First line

Scott Gomez, Rangers, 2007: 7 x $7.357 million, 14.63% cap hit

This deal seemed steep at the time, and got far worse over the years. It wasn’t the complete disaster you might remember it as – Gomez was actually pretty good in his first year in New York, and nearly hit the 60-point mark in the next two. And of course, the Rangers managed to somehow unload the deal onto the Canadiens before it really blew up. But once it did, man, it was awful. When you have your own website to track whether you’ve scored, that’s bad. When that site doesn’t change for over a year, that’s worse.

David Clarkson, Maple Leafs, 2013: 7 x $5.25 million, 8.16% cap hit

“I’m not worried about six or seven right now,” Leafs GM Dave Nonis infamously said when signing the deal. “I’m worried about one. And Year 1, I know we’re going to have a very good player.”

Nope. Clarkson was a miss almost immediately, in part due to an ill-advised suspension that delayed his regular season debut. To be fair, many Leafs fans loved the deal at the time, and some of the local media went nuts for it. Others immediately saw the disaster that was coming, including a young Globe and Mail beat writer who I hear went on to work at some website.

While it was never from lack of trying, Clarkson never clicked in Toronto, and didn’t even last two seasons before the team ate millions of dollars to ship him to Columbus. He hasn’t played since 2015-16 and almost certainly never will again, but his contract is still kicking around the league – partly because Nonis decided to make it virtually buyout proof.

Milan Lucic, Oilers, 2016: 7 x $6 million, 8.22% cap hit

Three years after watching the Leafs throw seven years at an aging power forward because of heart and grit and compete level, the Oilers apparently figured they could do even better. Lucic at least gave them one decent year, which is one more than the Leafs ever got from Clarkson. But unlike the Leafs, the Oilers haven’t yet figured out a way to wiggle out from under this contract, despite rumors that they’re desperately trying.

>> Read the full post at The Athletic

(Want to read this post on The Athletic for free? Sign up for a free seven-day trial.)




Thursday, July 3, 2014

Grab Bag: More than a team

In the season' final grab bag (no really this time) (maybe):
- My picks for the five best and five worst FA signings
- The worst obscure player contract ever
- Did Don Cherry receive the Order of Canada?
- Comedy all-stars
- And the 1989-90 Washington Capitals lip synch their way through the legendarily awful anthem "More Than a Team"

>> Read the full post on Grantland




Friday, October 15, 2010

Other ways NHL teams are watching the bottom line

The Devils' new fourth line
winger looked vaguely familiar.
While the action on the ice so far has been entertaining, most of the headlines generated by the NHL's opening week have come from off the ice. And thanks to the new reality of a salary cap world, they've been all about the bottom line.

The Toronto Maple Leafs sent defenceman Jeff Finger down to the AHL, where he'll have a chance to line up against other big money demotions like Sheldon Souray and Wade Redden. Meanwhile, the New Jersey Devils weren't even able to ice a full lineup for two games because they couldn't afford to call up players due to the salary cap.

While those stories made headlines, they weren't isolated incidents. Whether it's cap concerns or just old-fashioned penny pinching, everyone seems to have an eye on the balance sheet these days. And that's left many teams around the league scrambling to reduce costs any way they could in recent months.

Here's a few examples of ways that teams around the league have been cutting budgets leading up to the season.

Anaheim Ducks - Would like to follow in the footsteps of other teams by assigning NHL-calibre defencemen to the AHL. (Plan currently on hold pending acquisition of an NHL-calibre defenceman.)

Montreal Canadiens - Since the cost of repairing the damage to arena and surrounding areas resulting from riots after post-season wins are exorbitant, determine which player was solely responsible for those victories and trade him.

Washington Capitals - Could try to offset increased spending by scheduling additional games to create extra revenue; investigate whether its possible to maybe play a few dates in May some year.

Colorado Avalanche - Carefully ensure that team will not exceed the league's $59 million salary cap by making sure not to sign any players to $20 million contracts

Toronto Maple Leafs - Try to find some way to avoid paying those ridiculous entry level contracts to first round draft picks for a few years.

New Jersey Devils - Lay off the guy in charge of managing the salary cap, apparently.

Calgary Flames - Due to outrageous costs involved in heating an arena during the winter, see if the league will let us play a game outdoors this year.

Buffalo Sabres - Call up the cyborg manufacturing plant that created Tyler Myers and ask them to use cheaper materials for this year's model.

Edmonton Oilers - Experiment with some radical new strategy we haven't tried in years, like winning.

Detroit Red Wings - Reduce medical expenses by only targeting free agents who already qualify for coverage under Medicare.

New York Rangers - Conduct a thorough examination of front office spending, such as figuring out why the guy who empties the wastebaskets was given a $3 million dollar contract from Glen Sather.

Pittsburgh Penguins - Cut back spending on unnecessary luxuries, such as competent wingers.

Phoenix Coyotes - Reduce IT costs by seeing if we can't find an owner who could get us some sort of discount on our Blackberries.

Atlanta Thrashers - Save $2.4 million in cap space by walking away from any arbitration awards given to future Rocket Richard Trophy winners.

Los Angeles Kings - Cut down on pre-game costs by having the national anthem performed by the first homeless guy we can find who has his own guitar.

Philadelphia Flyers - Invite many of the best and brightest financial advisors from around the country to a team-sponsored symposium; lock the doors and have Chris Pronger steal all their lunch money.

Ottawa Senators - Keep player compensation to reasonable levels by only offering incentive bonuses that are unreachable, such as for winning the Vezina.

New York Islanders - Fire that guy who entertains fans during breaks by playing the slide trombone; ask players to start miming it instead.




Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Revealed: The secrets behind the Maple Leafs turnaround

The unidentified fan was really
excited to meet Francois Beauchemin
The NHL's opening weekend yielded a healthy dose of surprises, with arguably none bigger than the Toronto Maple Leafs. After last season's disastrous October that saw the team manage only a single win, the Leafs have already surpassed that with a 2-0 start this year.

While it's obviously far too early to draw any meaningful conclusions about a team, there's no disputing that the Leafs have looked like a different squad over the season's first two games. And sources tell me that's no coincidence. Despite an offseason that seemed strangely quiet to many, the Maple Leafs have implemented several important changes that are paying off so far.

I spent the last several days speaking to players, coaches, executives and team employees. And while none wanted to go on the record, they provided me with several important reasons why the Leafs seem so much better in 2010.
  • Unlike last season, we've had several lucky moments when a shot that was headed for our net was deflected away at the last moment by an NHL-calibre goaltender.

  • After two years, we all suddenly realized that when Ron Wilson says "left" he means his left, not your left; the entire game plan makes way more sense now.

  • While everyone else was watching a fan pour water from various lakes onto the ACC ice as part of our opening night ceremony, our trainer was busy pouring ebola-infected water from the Don River into opponents' water bottles.

  • Wisely scheduled the first two games of the season against teams that aren't very good.

  • The players have been inspired by the franchise's classy treatment of demoted veteran Jeff Finger, which has included hiring a lookalike to sit in the dressing room and say things like "No seriously, I'm the real Jeff Finger and they didn't actually demote me, why are you all being so weird about this?"

  • Finally decided to just pause the game, access the options menu, and move the difficulty slider down a few notches.

  • The team bonded after being traumatized by the crushing pre-season disappointment of learning that Nazem Kadri was somehow not yet ready to score on every single shift as a teenager.

  • We wanted to make sure that local media had a chance to use their "plan the parade" jokes, since those are unfailingly creative and hilarious.

  • The players have been inspired by the story of Mike Zigomanis earning a spot in the starting lineup out of training camp, presumably as part of some sort of reality series that gives people who've never played hockey before a chance to make an NHL team.

  • Don't use my name on this because I really want to stay anonymous, but I've been extra motivated to play well so that my dad doesn't start calling up random newspapers again.

  • As the franchise's new captain, Dion Phaneuf successfully quells any dressing room dissent by saying "You make an excellent point and I respect your opinion, so it's a real shame that I have to order Wendel Clark to kill you now."

  • When we have the puck in our end we've been focusing on simple plays like "off the glass and out", instead of last year's strategy of "turn around and take a point-blank slapshot at your own goalie just to make sure he's paying attention".

  • The team has rallied around their new team slogan, "Go on out there and win one for the concept of small sample size".

  • MLSE has long had a well-known "don't bother trying to win, since we sell out every game" policy; after hearing a rumour that one fan was actually considering cancelling his season tickets, the board of governors held an emergency meeting and voted to switch to "OK, go ahead and start winning" mode.

  • Long story short, it turns out the whole thing was Chris Bosh's fault.

  • Kris Versteeg has been giving us motivational pre-game speeches about how amazing it was to win the Stanley Cup as a member of the Chicago Blackhawks before trailing off, looking slowly around the dressing room, putting his head in his hands and sobbing deeply.




Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Signs you're getting cut this week

He should never have
fought Georges LaRock.
Hockey-starved fans are in a good mood these days thanks to the official arrival of the NHL preseason. Teams opened training camp last week, with exhibition games starting tonight.

History tells us that the preseason will bring a handful of feel-good stories, as virtual unknowns come out of nowhere to make their NHL dreams a reality. But unfortunately that's the exception, and most of the long shots won't come close to making it.

With some teams inviting over 60 players to camp and only 23 jobs available, teams will move quickly to trim down their rosters. And with less than three weeks until the season opener, plenty of players will be sent packing as early as the next few days.

Since I know that many of my readers are aspiring NHL players, I think it's only fair to set expectations now – before the cuts start. So if you're currently attending a training camp, please review the list below for some subtle signs that you're going to be getting bad news this week.
  • When you ask the coach how long your shifts should be, he replies "How would I know, I'm not the late-night manager of a gas station convenience store."

  • Instead of learning the correct pronunciation of your name, the team's play-by-play guy spends exhibition games referring to you as "Cutty McPack'n'Cry".

  • You're so woefully and indisputably terrible at hockey that Glen Sather only gave you a three-year multimillion dollar free agent deal, instead of the four years you were asking for.

  • You overhear the head trainer asking the coach whether you having your heart cruelly ripped out and stomped on in front of all your friends and family should be listed as an "upper body injury".

  • Every time you run into anyone from the team's AHL affiliate they seem to be overly friendly towards you, saying things like "Nice to see you, Jeff" and "Talk to you again real soon, Mr. Finger."

  • Your scouting report in the team media guide is only a half page long, but it contains over a dozen references to the term "Grimson-esque".

  • At the completion of the first shift of your preseason debut, the NHL interrupted the game with a ceremony honouring you for becoming the league's career leader in giveaways.

  • In NHL 11, the only category where you have a decent rating is "filling out unemployment insurance forms".

  • After leaving you bleeding on the ice after elbowing you in the head and then crosschecking you in the throat during a scrimmage, Chris Pronger can't even be bothered to stomp on your leg.

  • While it's true that training camp can sometimes provide an opportunity to earn the respect of the coaching staff by instigating physical altercations with teammates, everyone just seems annoyed with your continued efforts back at the hotel to start a team pillow fight.

  • Daniel Alfredsson just guaranteed that you'd make the team.

  • When you ask the team's union rep about submitting your annual escrow payment, he tells you not to worry about it since they don't accept food stamps.

  • They say that players who aren't expected to make the team are usually given high jersey numbers, which makes you feel pretty confident since you were given an eight turned sideways.

  • The league has asked an arbitrator to nullify your contract since it's unrealistic to expect that you'll still be playing hockey by the end of it, which is odd since you signed a one-year deal.

  • Dan Ellis keeps telling you how much less stressful your life will be next week when you're making minimum wage.




Sunday, December 20, 2009

The Maple Leafs team Christmas party

I received a tip over the weekend that the Leafs would be holding their annual Christmas party at a nearby establishment. I deployed some of my trusted DGB spies (now armed with video cameras), and they were able to infiltrate the proceedings and capture this exclusive footage.


(Thanks to Bloge Salming. Visit his site every day or Komisarek says you're next.)

Happy holidays, everyone, and here's hoping that you and yours get everything you asked for. Just like Phil Kessel.




Sunday, November 8, 2009

Leafs vs. Wings - My night at the ACC

Photography is hard.
Saturday night, I was at the ACC to watch the Leafs take on the Red Wings.

This was a big deal. While I did manage to make semi-regular trips to Maple Leaf Gardens, I've been living in Ottawa for the entire ACC era. I got to one game in the early days, but nothing since.

So this game marked only the second time in a decade that I've seen the Leafs play a home game. Unless you count every game they play in Ottawa. Which I do.

An occasion like this deserves a play-by-play. So here's an in-person breakdown of the Leafs first home win of the season.

6:50: We settle into our seats. The fans around me for this evening will include: "Guy who keeps yelling 'MONSTER' after every Gustavsson save"; "Guy who ends every sentence with the word 'yo' "; and "Guy who complains 'he cost us our future' every time any current or former Leaf is shown on the scoreboard"

And finally there's... well, there's really no nice way to say this... there's "nice young female Red Wings fan who doesn't seem to realize she's showing the entire section her butt crack every time she stands up". She's sitting directly in front of me, by the way.

On the bright side, the preceding paragraph was the first one in history to include "Red Wings" and "crack" but not "Bob Probert".

6:55 - True story: my phone refuse to connect to twitter from within the ACC. You win this round, Burkie.

6:58 - The Leafs show a clever pre-game video highlighting the eight-decade rivalry between the Leafs and Wings. It somehow leaves out Mike Foligno and Nikolai Borschevsky, but it does include a shot of Wendel Clark pummelling Probert, so I'll give it a B+.

7:00 - The Hall of Fame ceremony begins, with the introduction of various living Hall of Famers.

9:15: The Hall of Fame ceremony ends.

(I kid, I kid. Great ceremony. We all enjoyed every second of it.)

7:05 - Brian Leetch is introduced to the crowd. "He cost us our future!" protests the guy behind me, in his best Adam Sandler's mother voice. I can see his point. Maxim Kondratiev and Jarkko Immonen turned out to be awesome.

7:07 - The inductees drop the puck for the ceremonial faceoff. The Leafs are represented by Johnny Mitchell, in what may be the single best argument for maybe picking a real captain once and for all some time soon.

7:10 - The ceremony ends. All the inductees leave the center ice area, except for Brett Hull who circles around waiting for a breakaway pass instead of backchecking.

7:12 - Your referee for tonight's game: Kerry Fraser! I immediately start trying to figure out how many security guards I could fight off. Answer: zero.

7:15 - The game begins. Our seats are in the corner, four rows back of the glass. I'm literally a few feet from the ice, watching everything from the comfort of my seat. I feel like Vesa Toskala.

7:35 - The Leafs get on the board first, as Wayne Primeau beats Chris Osgood cleanly on a two-on-one. I'm not an NHL goaltending coach, but I'm pretty sure "getting beat clean by Wayne Primeau" isn't a good sign for the rest of the night.

7:42 - Gustavsson looks sharp tonight. "MONSTER" guy two rows behind me is already getting hoarse.

7:50 - I get to see Phil Kessel's first goal as a Leaf from about 20 feet away, as he swats home a Jason Blake shot that was going to go in anyways. This leads to an awkward post-goal celebration right in front of us, as Kessel apologizes and Blake pretends he doesn't care, then barely fights off the urge to smash his stick over Kessel's head as soon as his back is turned.

7:52 - Speaking of Jason Blake, is his "Come on Toronto, let's make some noise!" scoreboard appearance available as a standalone DVD? Because I'll buy it. Seriously, MLSE, name your price.

7:58 - The first period ends. Time to go figure out what everyone in the platinum seats is doing during intermission that keeps them from getting to their seats in time for the start of the next period.

8:03 - Fun fact: the restaurant below the platinum section serves a "Platinum Burger" that costs $38. It comes with foie gras torchon, sautéed shallots, and a picture of the starving African child you could have fed for a month with $38.

8:06 - People are walking into the restaurant, sitting down and ordering full course meals. During the first intermission. I'm seriously considering flipping over some tables.

8:11 - On the way back to our seats, we walk by the fabled platinum lounges. These underground bunkers can best be described as standard NHL luxury boxes, but without an actual view of the ice. For many hockey fans, that would be considered a problem. The folks at the ACC don't seem to notice.

8:15 - The teams switch sides for the second period, meaning Jonas Gustavsson will be guarding the net right in front of us. So if you're hoping to read any more close-up descriptions of goals, you're going to need to skip ahead.

8:27 - Jeff Finger scores to put the Leafs ahead 3-0. First Primeau, now Finger? If Rickard Wallin scores tonight, Osgood may hang himself.

8:32 - Every time Kessels on the ice, "He cost us our future" guy is borderline apoplectic. I'm desperately trying to think of a way to get within earshot and casually mention the Owen Nolan trade.

8:35 - Highlight of the period: Gustavsson freezes a shoot-in with his glove. After a delayed whistle, referee Eric Furlatt skates over to have an extended conversation with Gustavsson about delay of game rules. A few seconds into discussion, Gustavsson turns away, rolls his eyes, and pretends to be deeply interested in his water bottle. Furlatt keeps talking to the back of his head, leading to Mike Komisarek eventually coming over and subtley steering him out of the crease. As far as I know, Furlatt is still lecturing Gustavsson from Philadelphia right now.

8:50 - "MONSTER" guy is looking a little flush.

8:55 - Second intermission. Under advice from my doctor, I decide to stay in my seat.

9:17 - The Wings pull to within 3-1 on an early goal by Dan Cleary. I call the ACC game day staff and cancel my "Jonas, will you marry me?" scoreboard message.

9:28 - The Leafs restore the three goal lead when John Mitchell tips in a Phil Kessel shot. Wait, no, that wasn't accurate, let me try again: Phil Kessel's shot happens to hit John Mitchell's stick on the way into the net. Seriously, Mitchell had no idea. He stole that move from me, by the way. Except instead of going into the net, the puck ricochets into the corner. And instead of my stick, it's usually my groin.

9:32 - Gustavsson crosses the 30-save mark. "MONSTER" guy is no longer wearing pants.

9:36 - Despite a lifetime of attending live sporting events, I've never caught a puck or a foul ball. But my luck may be changing. Tonight, I caught Jason Williams' fibula.

9:45 - During the dying moments, Gustavsson skates over the Leafs bench, punches Toskala in the face, and returns to his crease in time to stop a 3-on-0.

9:50 - The final buzzer sounds, and Osgood storms off the ice. Or, more accurately, he storms over to the door leading off the ice -- and then gets rejected by an usher, who refuses to open the door because there's going to be a post-game ceremony and the Red Wings aren't allowed to leave yet. Apparently nobody told them.

So we get to see the entire Wings team forced to line up on the blue line to watch Gustavsson get "player of the game" honors. As Gustavsson awkwardly tries to figure out how to accept a trophy from Johnny Bower, the Wings look at each other with "wait, are we allowed to leave yet?" expressions on their face. High comedy.

10:00 - We file out of the ACC. After an almost ten-year absence, I've witnessed Kessel's first goal, Gustavsson's best game, and the first Leafs home win in seven months.

Is all of that completely, utterly, 100% due to me being there? No, of course not. The real percentage is probably only in the 80-90% range.

But let's not take any chances, ACC -- get those comped season tickets in the mail now. I'll be there for you. I'm all about the team.




Tuesday, February 24, 2009

The sales pitch: Why you need to trade for these Leafs

OK, so Brian Burke and I aren't on the best of terms these days. I want to make it up to him.

With the deadline just a week away, Burke is faced with the task of convincing his fellow GMs to trade for various Leaf players. Needless to say, this won't exactly be easy.

Like any good salesman, Burke needs to go into battle with a game plan. So I've put together a list of talking points that he could use to try to sell other GMs on his wares. They're his to use, free of charge. Consider it a peace offering.

According to Google, this is a picture of
Lee Stempniak. No Leaf fan can confirm this.
The player: Lee Stempniak
The sales pitch: Not one of those late-season pickups who will come in and disrupt precious dressing room chemistry by being noticeable in any way.

The player: Jason Blake
The sales pitch: While many have cited the length of his contract as a cause for concern, the actual salary cap implications are hard to predict since the CBA will have expired and been renegotiated three times before his deal finally ends.

The player: Curtis Joseph
The sales pitch: Will immediately begin bolstering the confidence of your offensive players during practice shooting drills.

The player: Tomas Kaberle
The sales pitch: Is so good that some teams have been willing to deal a 23-year-old future 50-goal scorer and a first round pick for him, if you can possibly believe such a thing. Ha ha. Ha. Oh god I hate my life.

The player: Andre Deveaux
The sales pitch: A trade to another team would increase the young enforcer's value by making it possible for him to some day fight Ryan Hollweg, the only player in the entire NHL he is capable of beating

This is a cool photo, except that a defenceman
was winding up at the point when it was taken
The player: Vesa Toskala
The sales pitch: Recent history has shown that every goalie who leaves the Leafs automatically becomes ten times better on their new team. Which, in Toskala's case, would make him a very solid backup down the stretch in the event that your regular backup gets injured.

The player: Nik Antropov
The sales pitch: Inevitable upcoming stint on injured reserve will clear up valuable late season cap space.

The player: Mikhail Grabovski
The sales pitch: Has been described as "fearless", party due to his habit of making risky plays in the open ice but mostly due to his willingness to talk crap about Belarusian mob underlings.

The player: Dominic Moore
The sales pitch: Future free agent can always be resigned before the off-season, which would be a great idea since career fourth-liners who have unexpected career seasons during a contract year almost always go on to maintain that level of success.

The player: Matt Stajan
The sales pitch: Has shown impressive focus; despite playing almost his entire career on embarrassingly awful teams has never complained, become dejected, or acted like he even vaguely cared.

Miscellaneous ex-Avalanche defenceman
The player: Jeff Finger
The sales pitch: Career sixth-defenceman occasionally plays so well that seasoned hockey executives have been known to mistake him for the infinitely better Kurt Sauer.

The player: Alexei Ponikarovsky
The sales pitch: Averaged 20 goals a season from 2005-08, so he'd be reasonably productive as long as your roster is so utterly devoid of talent that you're forced to play him on the first line next to a future hall of famer.

The player: Alex Steen
The sales pitch: Talented young player has shown impressive defensive acumen, occasional offensive flair, and emerging leadership skills. Is also technically now a member of the St. Louis Blues, so we can let him go for a late round draft pick.

The player: Luke Schenn
The sales pitch: Is excellent at defending odd-man rushes. Which will come in handy, since the asking price is your entire roster and a first round pick.




Wednesday, December 31, 2008

2008: A Maple Leafs year in review

Jan. 22 - John Ferguson Jr. is fired. After being informed of the decision, Ferguson nods quietly, adjust his suit, offers a firm handshake to everyone in the room, and then spends the next 45 minutes pulling on the exit door marked "Push".

Jan. 23 - Waking up to the news that Cliff Fletcher has been named interim GM, Toronto sports fans joke that who's next, Cito Gaston and Don Matthews?

Feb. 5 - The Leafs lose 8-0 to the Panthers at home. "If it had got to 9-0," says coach Paul Maurice, "I was thinking about actually raising my voice at somebody."

Feb. 24 - Mats Sundin announces that he will not waive his no-trade clause, telling the media that "I have never believed in the concept of a rental player. It is my belief that winning the Stanley Cup is the greatest thing you can achieve in hockey but for me, in order to appreciate it you have to have been part of the entire journey and that means October through June".

Although nobody gives it much thought at the time, in hindsight it was probably noteworthy that Sundin read the entire statement in a sarcastic Homer Simpson voice.

Feb. 26 - Trade deadline day. While Fletcher can't manage to deal any of the "Muskoka Five", he does manage to make a pair of deals with Florida. In one deal that turns out to be a steal for the Leafs, he manages to get a draft pick from the Panthers in exchange for a player who'll likely never record another point in the NHL. He also trades them Chad Kilger.

March 17 - Vesa Toskala lets in a 180-foot goal against the Islanders, marking the only time this year that he managed to handle a long shot without kicking out a huge rebound.

April 3 - In an otherwise meaningless late-season game, Mark Bell destroys Daniel Alfredsson with an open ice hit. While nobody likes to see a grown man writhing on the ground in agony, the Ottawa Sun's Bruce Garrioch does eventually regain his composure and return to his seat.

April 23 - Brian Burke announces that he will stay on as GM in Anaheim through the remaineder of his contract. Mats Sundin comments "Well, he wouldn't be saying it if it wasn't true."

May 7 - Paul Maurice is fired. Upon hearing the news, Maurice retreats to his office and packs up his belongings: some family photos, a few old files, and 164 unused timeouts.

June 10 - Ron Wilson is hired as the Leafs new coach. He promises that his team will work hard, be defensively responsible and forecheck relentlessly. In related news, Jason Blake posts his resume on monster.com.

June 19 - Fletcher raises a few eyebrows when he trades a third round draft pick for Jamal Mayers. Fletcher explains the deal by saying "We have a team of guys who are a little bit on the small side and can sometimes be intimidated, and we need somebody to protect them from no-talent thugs who might try to hurt them. Mainly Ryan Hollweg in practice."

June 20 - Cliff Fletcher trades up to select Luke Schenn with the fifth overall pick of the NHL draft. Fletcher says he was impressed by Schenn's maturity, his defensive presence, and the enormous star that lit the entire sky the night he was born.

June 25 - The Leafs buy out Darcy Tucker. Fighting through tears, a devastated Tucker says "Well, look on the bright side, at least I never have to play with Andrew Raycroft again."

June 27 - The Leafs waive Raycroft and Kyle Wellwood, two players who both fell out of favor due to their frequent association with the phrase "top shelf where momma keeps the peanut butter".

July 1 - The Leafs surprise many on the first day of unrestricted free agency by signing Jeff Finger to a $14M contract. While many experts feel the Leafs have overpaid, the signing receives unanimous approval from the nation's pun headline writers.

Aug. 14 - Bryan McCabe reportedly agrees to waive his no-trade clause, on the strict condition that he be dealt to one of the 28 or 29 very best teams in the league.

Sept. 19 - The Leafs open training camp. Ron Wilson is asked whether he thinks the Leafs can compete with teams like the Senators, or whether they will be embarrassingly pathetic, and replies "yes".

Sept. 25 - Leafs co-owner Larry Tanenbaum causes a minor controversy when he gives an obviously wrong answer to a hypothetical question about winning the Stanley Cup. The hypothetical question is "What's the first thing you should do to win a Cup", and Tanenbaum fails to correctly answer "Resign".

Oct. 2 - Ian White shakes hands with Wendel Clark at an off-ice function. The next day, a confused White wakes up sporting a full moustache. Attempts to shave it off result in his razor blade starting to bleed.

Oct. 17 - The Canucks waive Kyle Wellwood, who goes unclaimed. "Let's face it," says Canucks GM Mike Gillis, "We're not going to get anywhere building this team around out-of-shape former Leaf centers."

Oct. 23 - In a highlight reel hit, the Bruins' Milan Lucic drives Mike Van Ryn through the glass. Van Ryn later says "When I first heard the sound of glass shattering, I just assumed somebody had lightly nudged Carlo Colaiacovo."

Nov. 22 - The Leafs honor Wendel Clark. After a video tribute and an emotional speech, the Leafs unveil a banner which Clark promptly uppercuts into the rafters.

Nov. 24 - The Leafs trade Colaiacovo and Alex Steen for Lee Stempniak. Fletcher explains "Any time you can trade two guys who usually do nothing for one guy who always does nothing, you have to make that deal."

Nov 28 - On Brian Burke's first day on the job as the Leafs' new GM, Richard Peddie peeks his head in the door to ask if there's anything he can help with. Burke calmly pulls a .357 Magnum from the top drawer of his desk, shoots Peddie in the chest without looking up, and then says "no, but thanks for asking".

Dec. 4 - While looking in the mirror, Ian White realizes that each hair in his moustache has begun growing its own moustache

Dec. 22 - Justin Pogge makes his debut and looks good in a 6-2 win. Curtis Joseph and Vesa Toskala try to figure out why every time the other team takes a shot, the ensuing faceoff is in the offensive zone instead of center ice.

Dec. 25 - Luke Schenn gets the same Christmas gifts he gets every year: gold, frankincense and myrrh.

Dec. 30 - Curtis Joseph records his first win of the season. While he appreciates the Leafs recognizing his career milestone with a scoreboard message, he wishes they had chosen better wording than "Curtis, congratulations on your 450th (and final) career win!"

Jan. 1, 2009 - Ian White's moustache begins to learn at a geometric rate. It becomes self-aware at 2:14 a.m. Eastern time.




Sunday, October 26, 2008

Time to pull the trigger, Cliff

The Leafs have a terrible problem right now that most team wish they had.

They have too many NHL defencemen. And somebody needs to do something about it.

It's becoming more apparent every day that Luke Schenn isn't going anywhere. With Schenn, Tomas Kaberle and Pavel Kubina guaranteed a lineup spot every night, that leaves six players fighting for three spots.

If newly heatlhy Jeff Finger is also considered an everyday player (and his contract would hint that he is), that leaves five guys fighting for just two spots: Stralman, Frogren, Van Ryn, Colaiacovo and White.

All five guys have upside. All five can play in the NHL. And none will have a chance to get in any sort of groove if they're shuffling in and out of the lineup every night.

The glut of defencemen also means that Jiri Tlusty had to be sent down. That may have a good move anyway, since Tlusty hasn't done much of anything so far this season. But demoting a prospect is not something a rebuilding team like the Leafs should ever be forced into doing.

Another negative side effect of carrying nine defencemen: it leaves on 12 forwards on the roster. Remember how great it was to see Ron Wilson hold veteran like Jason Blake and Matt Stajan accountable for their bad habits by sending them to the press box? That's history now. Every forward on the roster knows they get to play every night now... and that includes useless fourth-liner Ryan Hollweg.

So enough is enough. It's time to move one of these defenceman. Let's make a deal.

Fletcher told reporters this week that he plans to hold onto his defencemen "until somebody blows us away". In a perfect world, that's the way to go. But the Leafs world is far from perfect right now, and this doesn't feel like the time to be stubborn.

Let's face it, nobody is going to step up with a knock-your-socks-off offer for Ian White. While I'm as big a fan of Colaiacovo as you'll probably find in Leafland, there won't be any GMs looking to sell the farm for the guy. In fact, none of the Leafs five pressbox-warmers are worth much right now.

And let's face it, the price is only going to drop each time they're listed as healthy scratches.

Sure, maybe in a few weeks some team will run into injury trouble on the blueline and Cliff would be able to squeeze them for a fourth-rounder for White instead of a fifth. So be it. That's the chance you take.

Pull the trigger, Cliff. Give one of these kids a chance to resume their career somewhere else. And call up a forward (Tlusty, or somebody else who's earned it) to allow Wilson to keep everyone honest.

And do it soon.




Tuesday, July 29, 2008

The Nightmare Team: Defence and goalies


(This is part one of a three-part series. You can find part two, the forwards, right here. Part three, the front office, is here.)

Leafs blogger General Borschevsky recently unveiled his all-time Leafs dream team. And while its always nice to think back to the good times, my readers know that I sometimes have a little trouble staying positive when it comes to the Leafs.

So I got to thinking, what about the other side of the coin? What about those Leafs that we all loved to hate? Or, in some cases, just plain hated?

I humbly present my selections for the all-time Leaf loser squad: the players we'd all rather forget. As always, this list includes players from my roughly 25 years as a fan. Sadly, it wasn't very difficult to come up with a full roster.

Today, we'll focus on the defencemen and goalies.

Defence

No, really, boo.
BOOOOOOOOO!
Larry Murphy (1995-97)

Why we hate him: Murphy is the poster child for Leaf fan whipping boys. He's used as an example in the 50% of Leafs coverage that mentions how unreasonably demanding Toronto fans are (as opposed to the other 50% of Leaf coverage which mentioned how Leaf fans are gullible patsies who never boo anybody). Everyone now agrees that Murphy got a raw deal in Toronto from dumb fans who didn't recognize a superstar when they saw one.

There's one problem with that storyline: Murphy was absolutely terrible with the Leafs, and he deserved every boo he heard. For whatever reason Murphy never found his game in Toronto, playing the worst hockey of his otherwise excellent career. At the 1997 NHL All-Star game, the league invited Murphy to skate five strides behind all the players during the breakaway competition just so Leaf fans would feel at home.

Redeeming qualities: First ballot hall of famer. Won the Stanley Cup pretty much every year he wasn't playing for the Leafs.

Bryan Marchment (2003-04)

Why we hate him: Probably the dirtiest defenceman of all-time not named "Ulf", Marchment made a name for himself in the early 90s by going after the knees of Leaf players like Peter Zezel, Glenn Anderson and Wendel Clark. That last one turned out to be a mistake, since Clark eventually almost killed him during a brawl.

He ended up playing for the Leafs for a season, which normally is enough to wipe the slate clean. Not for this guy.

Redeeming qualities: Still pees himself whenever he walks by a Wendel Clark poster

Tom Kurvers (1989-91)

Why we hate him: Kurvers was acquired in an infamous deal by GM Floyd Smith that saw the Leafs trade their first round pick in the 1991 draft to the Devils. While most bad deals are only truly awful in hindsight, this trade was immediately labeled a disaster since Smith had apparently forgotten that a.) the Leafs sucked and b.) 1991 was the Eric Lindros draft year.

Once it became apparently that the Leafs had essentially traded the next NHL franchise player for a journeyman defenceman, Smith went into full-on firesale mode to ensure the Leafs would only finish second last. They did, but the Devils still used the pick to draft Scott Niedermayer, which Leaf fans then had to hear about every single time they played the Devils until he was mercifully murdered by Tie Domi in the 2001 playoffs.

Redeeming qualities: Not really his fault that Smith was a moron. Is apparently now a decent up-and-coming hockey executive. Was traded for Brian Bradley, who had a funny helment.

Andy Wozniewski (2005-2008)

Why we hate him: He was really, really bad at hockey. That wouldn't be that big a deal, except for the fact that he somehow wound up playing hockey for the Maple Leafs. Professionally. Which he was bad at.

Seriously, when you're a defenceman for the 2007 Leafs and you're known as "the bad one", you suck.

Redeeming qualities: Gave hope to a generation of children who dreamed of playing in the NHL even though they couldn't skate.

I miss the mohawk
His barber refused to waive
his no-mullet clause
Bryan McCabe (2000-forever)

Why we hate him: After several years as a fan favorite, McCabe's career went off the rails starting with his epic playoff meltdowns against the Flyers. He signed a massive contract in 2006 that included a now infamous no-movement clause, and almost immediately fell apart as a player. His mental lapses have become legendary, and at one point last year his defensive zone coverage was so awful that Paul Maurice briefly considered cutting down his ice time before going back to thinking up funny one-liners for the Toronto media to lap up.

When not scoring into his own net in overtime, Bryan enjoys whining to referees and telling the media that the last place Leafs are a really good team. There is at least a 10% chance that Cliff Fletcher is going to sneak into his house and kill him before training camp.

Redeeming qualities: Can be counted on to always make sure you don't feel so bad about your own haircut.

Jeff Finger (2008-present)

Why we hate him: Signed a four-year, $3.5 million contract during the 2008 off-season, which would be fine except that nobody had ever heard of him. This was the signing that made everyone stare at Fletcher with that "maybe Grampa should move into the assisted living facility" look. It was later revealed that the Leafs may have had him confused with Kurt Sauer. That last line was easily the funniest one in this whole post, which is sad because it's actually true.

Also, his last name resulted in eight million variations of the exact same "Fletcher gives the Finger" jokes in the first 24 hours after he signed, half of which appeared in the Toronto Sun.

Redeeming qualities: Technically hasn't played for the Leafs yet, meaning his reputation will never be better than it is right now.

Defencemen who also received consideration:
Aki Berg (somehow left off my original list), Garth Butcher, Calle Johansson, Pavel Kubina, Drake Berehowsky, Jim Korn

Defencemen who did not receive consideration:
Todd Gill - Look, I know some fans still blame him for the giveaway against the Hawks in 1989. Those fans are idiots, and you should ignore them. Gill was awesome. I'm not going to argue about this.

Goalies

#1 in your program, #52 in save percentage
Rare footage of Andrew
Raycroft not being scored on
Andrew Raycroft (2006-08)

Why we hate him: Like a lot of players on this list, Raycroft serves as an enduring testament to moronic reign of John Ferguson Jr. With Ed Belfour on the way out of town, Ferguson decided to deal the organization's top prospect, Tukka Rask, to the Bruins for Raycroft in 2006. The deal seemed sketchy at the time, looked bad during the season and finally assumed full-fledged disaster status as Raycroft floundered.

Raycroft hit rock bottom during the 2007 season finale against the Habs. With a playoff spot on the line, he was pulled after giving up three soft goals and then told the media he was happy with how he'd played. The next year, he engaged in a battle for the starter's job with Vesa Toskala that was roughly as competitive as the Clark-Fetisov fight. He spent the rest of the year sitting on the bench with a baseball cap pulled down to his waist.

Redeeming qualities: Doesn't play for the Leafs anymore.

Scott Clemmensen

Why we hate him: Clemmensen is one of the rare players who've managed to annoy Leaf fans both before and after arriving in Toronto. He first made a name for himself on the final day of the 2006-07 season, when as a New Jersey Devil he had a chance to put the Leafs in the playoffs by beating the Islanders. In a dramatic shootout, Clemmensen chose to debut his patented "stand completely still while everyone scores on you" move, and the Leafs were eliminated.

His demonstrated ability to torpedo the Leafs playoff hopes made him irresistible to John Ferguson Jr, who signed him to a minor league deal that presumably included a no-trade clause. Having already destroyed the Leafs' past, Clemmensen set to work on the future as a Marlie by somehow convincing head coach Greg Gilbert to nail top prospect Justin Pogge to the bench for the entire playoff run.

Redeeming qualities: Appeared in three games for the Leafs, winning one. Which is one whole game more than you or I have won.

Goalies who also received consideration:
Curtis Joseph (now redeemed), Mikhael Tellqvist, Trevor Kidd

Goalies who did not receive consideration:
Allan Bester. Yes, yes, I know, the Momesso goal in 1991. Believe me, I know, I was there. But Bester stood on his head for some truly terrible Leaf teams in the 1980s. He doesn't deserve scorn, he deserves a medal.




Wednesday, July 2, 2008

It's weird how "Finger defenceman" sounds OK as a noun...

(Yes, I'm now stealing Demetri Martin jokes in an attempt to feel better.)

So I've spent the last 24 hours trying to talk myself into the Jeff Finger signing.

It's not working.

I read through Steve's analysis and MF37's mostly positive thoughts. I put on my nicest pair of homer goggles and stared at the TSN.ca home page for hours. But it's not helping.

This contract is a mistake. And the last thing the Leafs need is more bad contracts.

Finger certainly has his share of positives. In The Cheap Seats gave him a final grade of A-, noting that he was only a minus player in five games all year. He led the Avs in hits and was an excellent shot blocker.

But it's one thing to block shots and throw hits when you're a career minor leaguer making the league minimum. It's quite another to do it when you're a millionaire with a long-term deal. We'll have to see if he can summon the same fire with the Leafs that he showed last year.

Fletcher defended the signing by pointing out that Joel Quenneville loved him. But if that's the case, why did Quenneville banish him to the press box for half the teams playoff run? (Answer: here's why.)

Yes, everybody gets overpaid in free agency. We've known that for years. And Finger has enough positives that I can maybe, sort of, possibly understand why some team would offer him $14M.

But not the Leafs. They may have wanted the guy, but they didn't need him. When you're a rebuilding team, you need to have the discipline to walk away from the table when the numbers get crazy. Fletcher failed that test yesterday.

The worst part of this deal is that it's the first serious crack in Fletcher's armor. We've let him off the hook over a few odd moves because, after all, he's Cliff Fletcher and he saved us all once before. But this signing has to throw up all sorts of red flags. Maybe, just maybe, we wound up with the Phoenix Coyotes version of Fletcher.

I have to go drink now.




Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Who is Jeff Finger and why are we paying him $14M?

I'll admit it. The Leafs just signed a free agent to a pretty substantial contract, and I have no idea who he is.

So I asked somebody who would: the fine folks over at the excellent Avs blog In The Cheap Seats.

Here's their scouting report:

Jeff Finger seemed like he was going to be a career AHL guy until an injury to the Avs earned Finger a call-up late in the 2006-2007 season. He played well and ended up playing 72 games this year, averaging 20 minutes a game.

He's your basic stay-at-home banger. He led the team in hits and he blocks a lot of shots (something the Avs blueliners do a lot). He doesn't fight much, although he apparently has a history with new Ranger Aaron Voros that goes back several years in the AHL. After nearly getting hit in the eye this year with a skate or a stick (I can't remember), he started wearing a visor, but Grapes will probably still like him for the way he likes to get involved in all the little scrums in front of the net.

He's not very fast and isn't so great with the puck, but he does have a good hard right-handed shot that always seems to find it's way to the net, so he could put up some good numbers on the PP.

In short, he's a great guy to have and when the Leafs buy him out in a couple of years, I'd love to see him back in Colorado (we seem to be taking all your rejects these days). $3.5 million is too much money, but if you can get over that, you'll be happy. He's not going to turn the franchise around.

Toronto fans don't ever complain about overpaid, defensemen who like to wear mohawks, right? (Did I forget to mention the mohawk?)
I think that makes me feel a little bit better. Not much, but a little bit.

P.S. Welcome Puck Daddy visitors. Feel free to check out the "greatest hits" column on the right for more Leafs coverage.