Grab bag: You just made the list

In the Friday Grab Bag:
- The NHL Awards were exactly what you wanted them to be
- It's time to bring back uniform #0
- An obscure Sabres draft pick with a great name
- The week's three comedy stars, featuring more political reporters than usual
- And a look back at an NHL Awards moment that you'll never... EEE-ver.... forget.

>> Read the full post at Vice Sports

Weekend report: Phil Kessel vs. Shawn Michaels, and other less important thoughts

Faceoff: The backup plan

Easily the weirdest story to emerge from this year's conference final is the rise of the backup goaltender. All four teams have turned to their backup at some point during the round, including three that have switched starters. It's the first time since 1980 that we've seen all eight goalies pressed into action in the conference finals.

Of course, not all backup promotions are created equal. Martin Jones and the Sharks just had a rough night on Saturday, and he was pulled in favor of James Reimer largely to give him a chance to rest up for Game 5; after posting back-to-back shutouts earlier in the series, he's in no immediate danger of losing his grip on the starter's job. And the Lightning haven't had much choice in the matter, with Ben Bishop's injury in Game 1 forcing Andrei Vasilevskiy into action. Bishop will resume the starter's duties once he's ready to play, although at this point we're still not sure when that will be.

But things haven't been quite so clear cut in St. Louis or Pittsburgh, where we've seen controversial mid-series switches that were coach's decisions. The first of those calls was made by Ken Hitchcock, who benched Brian Elliott in favor of Jake Allen because... well, nobody's quite sure. Elliott didn't do anything to lose his job; he's been fantastic all season long. But the Blues needed some sort of jolt after failing to score in Games 2 or 3, and Hitchcock apparently felt that a goaltending switch was one way of achieving it. The Blues won Game 4 on Saturday, breaking out of their offensive slump en route to a 6-3 win, so we're all obligated to say that Hitchcock's move worked brilliantly. As for where that leaves Elliott, well, we'll get to that down below.

A similar situation is playing out in Pittsburgh, although there's a twist. Instead of a veteran being sat down for his younger backup, Penguins coach Mike Sullivan's goalie switch saw the veteran regain his net. Marc-Andre Fleury was the Penguins' starter all year and never really lost the job on merit. He got hurt late in the season, and Matt Murray's strong play left Fleury on the bench even after he was healthy enough to play. One rough game by Murray on Friday was enough to open the door for Fleury's return on Sunday, and the results were decidedly mixed. Midway through the game, the Penguins were up 2-0 and Sullivan looked like a genius. But a Lightning comeback ended with a 4-3 OT win, and now it looks like the coach has overplayed his hand.

Between the Blues and the Penguins, we've seen both sides of the goalie switch coin. And with a pair of Games 6s to come, and maybe a Game 7 or two after that, there's still time to see a few more switches.

Top Five

Celebrating those who've had the best week.

5. Eric Fehr—Is it? Could it be? An actual hockey hit that's hard but clean and absolutely nobody is complaining about? Do they still make those?

All is Fehr in love and hockey. — Pittsburgh Penguins (@penguins) May 23, 2016

I think it just might be. But just to be on the safe side, let's all agree to complain twice as much about the next one, OK?

4. Peter DeBoer—Yeah, I'm getting the sense that he doesn't really want to help pump Ken Hitchcock's tires right now.

This was how DeBoer shut down his press conference. Didn

— Josh Cooper (@JoshuaCooper) May 22, 2016

>> Read the full post at Vice Sports

A hockey fan's guide to Wrestlemania

This is the happiest anyone has ever
looked while wearing an Oilers jersey.

This Sunday is one of the biggest days on sports calendar, assuming you're willing to be generous with your definition of "sports". That's because it's time for another installment of Wrestlemania, the annual pay-per-view event that features the very best that the fine folks at World Wrestling Entertainment have to offer.

OK, Wrestlemania may not for everyone. But even if you're not a fan of professional wrestling, the overwhelming hype for each year's production can be hard to avoid. So if you're a hockey fan who's wondering what all the fuss is about, here's a quick guide to get you up to speed on the similarities and differences between Wrestlemania and the NHL.

Wrestlemania: If you see somebody wearing a sparkly silver jacket that spells out their name in bright flashing lights, you'll know that Chris Jericho has arrived for his match.
NHL: If you see somebody wearing a sparkly silver jacket that spells out their name in bright flashing lights, you'll know that Don Cherry has decided to wear something conservative that night.

Wrestlemania: If the crowd yells "What?" every time a person tries to speak, it's because they are using a traditional wrestling chant to attempt to interfere with the villain's train of thought.
NHL: If the crowd yells "What?" every time a person tries to speak, it's because the referee is announcing the results of the instant replay review using one of those microphones the league bought at Radio Shack in 1983.

Wrestlemania: The fans know that the fights are planned out well in advance, although everyone involved makes an effort to pretend that they're spontaneous and real.
NHL: John Tortorella and Peter DeBoer have no idea why everyone is staring at them right now.

Wrestlemania: The athletes can often be heard using catchphrases such as "Do you smell what The Rock is cooking" and "I am the Ayatollah of Rock-and-rollah".
NHL: The athletes can often be heard using catchphrases such as "We just have to take it one game at a time" and "Like I said, we just have to take it one game at a time".

Read the rest of this post...

Other ways the NHL is trying to attract new referees

The Swedish league rulebook includes a minor
penalty for executing the Randy Savage elbow drop.

While it was lost in the playoff hype, the NHL made some history last week when they announced the hiring of their first European referee. Marcus Vinnerborg is a veteran of the Swedish elite league who is well-respected in his home country for his rare ability to make difficult decisions in less than six months.

While it's always nice to see a barrier broken, the story also illustrates the difficulty the league is having in filling out its referee roster. The league needs more officials than ever thanks to expansion and the two-man system, but with several veterans retiring it's become a significant challenge to find enough qualified referee.

That's why I'm happy to report that the league is getting creative. Looking outside of North America is just the first step in a detailed new program the league has launched to help it attract and retain enough referees.

Other steps include:

• The league will no longer limit hiring pool to officials who hate the Vancouver Canucks; just detesting them will now be good enough.
  
  
• Officials will now be allowed to supplement income by keeping all the change Flyers fans throw at them.
  
  
• The league will no longer cut costs on uniforms by only hiring officials who are already employees of Foot Locker.
  
  
• Get with the times by allowing all referees to telecommute from home once a week.
  
  
• Reduce the length of the overly complicated application form by getting rid of questions like "Can you tell the difference between the numbers 32 and 36?", since really, when is that ever going to come up?
  
  
• Maybe return the calls of this Tim Donaghy guy; he claims to have all sort of ideas about how officials can increase their income.
  
  
• Install a pre-game open bar in the officials' locker room, replacing the current cash bar.
  
  
• Referees will now be allowed to order an in-depth video replay review of those two hot chicks in section 203.
  
  
• Start paying every official a $10 cash bonus for every too-many-men penalty they call. (Note: Rule enacted prior to 2010 playoffs.)
  
  
• In addition to the special plaque and the Swiss Chalet gift certificate, the employee of month will now also earn one free swing at Maxim Lapierre.
  
  
• The popular "Kiss Cam" feature will no longer include hidden camera footage form the previous night of the home team's star player making out with the referee's wife.
  
  
• Outsource the whole damn thing to India.
  

Who is Luca Caputi? The Pensblog explains

Probably the last ever photo
of Luca Caputi smiling.

News is breaking tonight that the Leafs have dealt Alexei Ponikarovsky to the Penguins for prospect Luca Caputi. The Leafs also take on the salary of veteran defenceman Martin Skoula, who will immediately be taken out behind the ACC and shot.

I have no idea who Luca Caputi is.

That's not necessarily a bad thing, since as a longtime Leafs fan I'm pretty fuzzy on the whole concept of a "prospects". But with all the talk of a possible Ponikarovsky bidding war and most rumors pegging the price at a pick and a prospect, it seems like a disappointment to get back a guy whose name only sounds familiar to me because I'm pretty sure it's how the Iron Shiek used to end all his promos.

Or is it? To find out, I asked for a Caputi scouting report from the folks from arguably the world's great hockey blog, The Pensblog. Here's what they had to say:

The Good: Caputi has a cool name. And he has some skill. We've seen him play for a grand total of less than 10 NHL games, but he made somewhat of an impact when he was up. He isn't overly big, or overly fast, but no reason he can't develop into a solid NHL top six player

The Bad: There really is no bad. Just don't know enough about him. The only thing we do know is that he just got surpassed by some other prospects in the Penguin organization, hence he was the odd man out. Burke knows how to develop players so he couldn't be going to a better place. You'll hear about some story about how he was demoted to the ECHL a few years ago, but look if you were stuck in Wilkes Barre you'd cause trouble too. Just tell people he beat up a stripper or something to help his street cred.

Summary: Luca Caputi is officially a part of one of the best "cool name for cool name" trades in NHL history. It's been so hard for Pens prospects to crack the lineup over the last three years that Caputi has got to be pumped to be coming to Toronto.

Anything could happen. He could be a 60+ point guy a year for the next five years, or he will be serving you pizza.

Prediction: Caputi scores the game winning goal in the 2017 eastern conference finals sending the Leafs to the dance.

P.S. If you want to know about Martin Skoula, take the wheels off your car and try to drive to work every morning.

So there you have it. Trade Deadline 2010 has officially arrived for the Leafs. Let me know what you think about the deal in the comments. And don't forget that I'll be liveblogging all-day on Wednesday.

The Hockeenight podcast: DGB gets Naked

On Monday, I made my fourth appearance on the world-renowned Hockeenight podcast. My most recent appearance, alongside PPP, was well-received. While we'd hoped to appear together again, this time I ended up going solo due to an unfortunate incident involving PPP being superkicked through a plate glass window.

Topics covered included:

• Vesa Toskala: merely bad, or historically bad?
  
• The absolute worst case scenario for the Leafs/Ducks trade (spoiler: there isn't one)
  
• Why the Dion Phaneuf deal is far riskier, but still a good trade
  
• The Cam Barker trade, and whether the Hawks will need to make more cap moves
  
• Olympic men's hockey discussion and predictions
  
• The opening ceremonies in Vancouver, and what may have really caused that torch malfunction
  
• Somebody may or may not have made a horribly inappropriate Olympics joke
  
• The entire podcast getting sidetracked after I receive an unexpected e-mail from Bif Naked
  

Listen to the whole thing here:

Can't get enough moustache jokes? You can find the rest of my appearances here.

The Top 20 Maple Leaf moments of the decade - The top 10

This is the second half of the Top 20 Leaf Moments of the Decade list. If you missed it, the first part of the list can be found here.

10. Stumpy wins it - April 22, 2000

Game Five of the 2000 first round series between Ottawa and Toronto was a strange one. The first 55 minutes were deadly dull, with the Leafs mailing in a half-hearted effort and the Senators nursing a 1-0 lead by playing a perfect (i.e. boring) road game.

Then Steve Thomas scored with five minutes left to tie it. And then all hell broke loose. The two teams turned up the tempo to close out the third period, and then went on to play an end-to-end overtime period that featured a dozen scoring chances.

That's when the Leafs unveiled one of the most dastardly trick plays in recent sports history: Sergei Berezin passing.

As an added bonus, Thomas and Berezin reacted to the game winning goal by performing a WWE-style double clothesline on each other.

9. PING! - April 13, 2001

You already know what goal it is just from the headline, don't you?

In the four-pack of Leaf playoff wins over the Senators, the 2001 series was actually the only one where the Senators had home ice advantage. Well, not so much "home ice advantage", since that implies that you get to play some games in front of fans that are actually cheering for you. But the Senators were the #2 seed in the East that year, and were expected to beat the lowly #7 seed Leafs.

Didn't happen. In fact, it didn't come remotely close to happening, as Curtis Joseph shut out the Senators in each of the first two games and the Leafs completed a four-game sweep back in Toronto (giving the Senators the distinction of not scoring a single post-season goal in their own arena). And it all started with a tight Game One that was tied 0-0 midway through the first overtime.

Don't worry, Sens fans. There's brighter days ahead in this rivalry. (I'm sorry? What's that? Oh. I've just been informed that there are, in fact, not brighter days ahead.)

8. Tie Domi fights a Flyer fan in the penalty box - March 29, 2001

I wrote about this one back in September as part of the Top 10 Leaf Fights of All-Time post. I included a transcript of what's going through this Flyer fan's mind:

"Hey, Domi just sprayed water on me, which technically ends my month-long streak of not bathing! I think I'll bang on the glass and try to look tough when I know he can't reach me. Hm, I wonder if this glass can support 300 lbs of cheesesteak and loneliness? No, apparently it can not. Oh god, I'm going to die. Also, I just soiled myself on national television. Go Flyers!"

Domi never really got the credit he deserved here. While he did enough to defend himself, he somehow resisted the urge to go Rob Ray on the poor slob. And that should count for something, shouldn't it?

By the way, how perfect is the "Dunkin Donuts" ad placement in the penalty box?

7. Sundin's milestones - October 14, 2006 and October 11, 2007

Mats Sundin was so good that he actually broke Darryl Sittler's all-time Leafs scoring record twice in the same game. He was credited with a second period assist against the Islanders and held the record for about a half hour before officials revoked the point (Sundin hadn't actually touched the puck).

No problem. Sundin came out in third period and scored a goal of his own. That gave him 390 goals and 917 points as a Leaf -- breaking both of Sittler's franchise records with one shot.

While the moment was clearly important in terms of history, the goal came in the late stages of a blowout against the Islanders and was a fluke shot that wasn't really worthy of the moment. Then again, what's the guy supposed to do for a major milestone? Score a short-handed overtime hat trick goal on Hockey Night in Canada? Fine, if you insist:

(And in case you're wondering, I combined these two moments because they both represent similarly memorable milestones in Sundin's great career, and certainly not because I realized I still had 11 moments that needed to fit into a top 10 list. I don't know why you'd even think that. Look, why are we arguing? Let's change the subject: Hey, who wants to see a Finnish guy get his brains scrambled?)

6. Darcy Tucker destroys Sami Kapanen - May 4, 2004

This hit from the 2004 playoffs was undoubtedly the most vicious hit of the decade by a Maple Leaf, and quite possibly by any NHL player, period. Kapanen was so decimated by the impact that officials immediately whistled the play dead, and the rest of the shift never happened. Did you hear me? THE REST OF THE SHIFT NEVER HAPPENED!

No penalty was called on the play, although technically you could make a case for charging, boarding, and second degree manslaughter. The league reviewed the hit, and promptly suspended the Maple Leafs from ever participating in the playoffs again.

Um... is that guy in the front row wearing a bathing cap,a helmet, or amateur wrestling headgear?

5. Gary Roberts scores in triple overtime - May 4, 2002

Hey look, the Leafs and Senators seem to be involved in some sort of crucial post-season game. I wonder how this will turn out?

Wade Redden with his finger up his nose still makes me laugh every single time.

• Read more about this moment.

4. Sundin returns - October 14, 2008

Let's get this out of the way first: I wasn't a fan of the way Mats Sundin left Toronto. I stand by that. But that's history now.

But when Sundin made his return to Toronto as a member of the Canucks, everyone got it right. The Leafs, who honored their former-captain with a classy video. The fans, who gave him a loud and long ovation. The players, who refused to take the faceoff until Sundin had had his moment. And finally Sundin himself, who composed himself (barely) and then went on to score the shootout winner.

The only way this moment could have been better would have been if the fans had had the chance to thank Sundin when he was still wearing a Leafs uniform. Speaking of which...

3. Thank You Wendel - April 27, 2000

While you don't really associate Clark with the current decade, his last stint with the Leafs came at the end of the 1999-2000 season. He played 20 mostly forgettable regular season games and was scratched for the team's first playoff games. Pat Quinn inserted Clark into the lineup midway through the first round, and he scored the series-clinching goal against the Senators.

And then game one against the Devils:

• Read more about this moment.

2. Mats Sundin's last second goal against the Hurricanes - May 28, 2002

In the final minutes of Game Six of the 2002 Conference Finals, the Leafs found themselves trailing Carolina 1-0. For reasons nobody has ever been able to fully explain, Arturs Irbe was unbeatable in this series, and the Hurricanes were choking the life out of the Leafs on their home ice. As the seconds ticked down, the Leafs' miracle playoff run seemed doomed.

Well, not so fast.

This goal is notable for being the only known example of that horrible "behind-the-net" camera view that directors fell in love with in the first half of the decade actually working. It also gave us not only a memorable Bob Cole call ("... and the place goes crazy!") but also a legendary Joe Bowen meltdown that included him infamously screaming "You talk about heart and dedication!"

It all ended up being futile, of course. The Hurricanes won in overtime, eliminating the Leafs from a series they absolutely should have won. But for a few seconds at least, I doubt there was a goal during the decade that had Leaf fans screaming any louder.

1. Lalime's meltdown - April 20, 2004

It's probably fair to say that by the time the Leafs and Senators met in a 2004 first round series, the two teams hated each other. The Leafs were the corporate behemoth that kept kicking the smaller kids around the playground. The Senators were the small-market underdogs who were supposed to be scrappy and valiant but usually just wound up wiping snot from their noses while the sobbed about being picked on.

So with Daniel Alfredsson guaranteeing victory, Eugene Melnyk running his mouth, and the Senators vowing to finally "slay the dragon", the two teams met for the fourth time in five years. And with nothing settled through six games, it was on to Toronto for a final game seven showdown.

The hockey world was expecting a classic. Instead, they got a classic meltdown.

The Kilger goal was excusable. The first Nieuwendyk goal was awful. The third was almost impossibly bad, the kind of disaster you need to watch over and over again just to convince yourself it was real. And that's the goal we're going with as the #1 moment on the list.

There were probably more important goals scored this decade. There were certainly much better ones. But whether we like it or not, the Battle of Ontario defined the decade for both franchises, and no moment captured the rivalry more perfectly than this one: Leaf fans cheering; Leaf players celebrating; and a Senator slumped on his knees, defeated, and ready to quit.

Honorable mentions

There were a few on-ice moments that didn't make the final list, but deserve a mention. In no particular order:

• The Leafs/Islanders bloodbath in 2002 - This was perhaps the most vicious series of all-time, but it's hard to pick an actual moment that stands out. Maybe Tucker's low-bridge on Peca?
  
• The Leafs/Habs season finale in 2007 - Definitely one of the most memorable games of the decade, but it was rendered moot thanks the Devils laying down for the Islanders the next day. Besides, the only moment from the game that stands out was Andrew Raycroft giving up a horrible goal, getting pulled, and then not caring.
  
• Ricard Persson hits Tie Domi from behind - But if Domi had better balance, the Senators would have won.
  
• Alexander Mogilny scores his 1,000th point in the Leafs comeback against the Sabres in 2004 - Confession time: I have absolutely no recollection of this happening. Was I in a coma? This is bothering me. (Update: robviper to the rescue with a newly posted youtube video.)
  
• Mario Lemieux returns to the NHL and scores three points against the Leafs - Hard to pick a moment where the Leafs got lit up, but any hockey fan had to enjoy this game.

And I'm sure I missed a few. Let me hear about them in the comments.

2009-2010 Season Preview: The Pacific Division

As we count down the final days leading up to the 2009-10 regular season, let's take a look at each of the 30 teams with the official DGB Season Preview. Today, we look at the Pacific Division.

San Jose Sharks

The good: Finally addressed that longstanding "locker room cancer" void.
The bad: Attempted to address a history of playoff failure by acquiring an Ottawa Senator. Let that sink in for a minute.
Biggest question mark: Will it be an upper body or a lower body injury that Dany Heatley fakes to get out of the first game in Edmonton?
Fearless forecast: The Sharks record 145 regular season points, then manage to lose their first round playoff series in three games.

Anaheim Ducks

The good: Feature starting goaltender Jonas Hiller, whose outstanding play in the post-season showed that he is without question the second best European free agent goalie named "Jonas" that Brian Burke has ever signed.
The bad: Ex-Hab Saku Koivu may have a difficult time adjusting to the lack of pompous ceremonial wankfests at the start of every single game.
Biggest question mark: Ryan Getzlaf is going to get it over with and shave his head, isn't he? He knows we can see him, right?
Fearless forecast: As per league rules, will at some point trade Joffrey Lupul for Chris Pronger.

Dallas Stars

The good: This.
The bad: Every one of those girls probably has Sean Avery cooties.
Biggest question mark: When Joe Nieuwendyk was reading Marc Crawford's resume, did the page listing everything from 1998-2009 fall out?
Fearless forecast: The team is much-improved thanks to the unveiling of a clever new trick play known as "Marty Turco actually make a save".

Los Angeles Kings

The good: Drafted Brayden "Owen" Schenn, who will inspire teammates with stories of how awesome his big brother is.
The bad: Front office made Brian Burke angry, and as such will probably all be dead by November.
Biggest question mark: Most terrifying Hunter for a Los Angeles King to run into in a dark alley: Tim, Dale, or Rachel?
Fearless forecast: The young team will no doubt benefit from the leadership of Ryan Smyth, who has been a winner everywhere he's ever played with the exception of Colorado, Long Island, and every year in Edmonton except one.

Phoenix Coyotes

The good: Thanks to an aggressive marketing push, experts are now predicting higher-than-expected ticket sales in the 14,000 to 16,000 range.
The bad: That's not an average.
Biggest question mark: Will the team still be able to travel to road games with Wayne Gretzky stuck under the team bus?
Fearless forecast: Calls for "The Whiteout" will once again be heard in April, as employees look for corrective fluid to remove the word "Phoenix" from their business cards.

DGB and PPP vs. two drunk Hawks fans: The podcast

PPP (left) and DGB pose for
a pre-podcast publicity photo

Last night I made my third appearance on the Hockeenight podcast. And while the first two were fun, this one featured a special appearance by Pension Plan Puppets to even out the odds.

Topics covered included:

• Kyle Wellwood is fat
  
• Whether a bear could beat a man in a hot dog eating contest
  
• The recent Leafs/Hawks draft pick swap
  
• Leafs Abomi-Nation, and why it will be terrible.
  
• No, seriously, Kyle Wellwood is fat.
  
• Jonas Gustavsson conspiracy theories
  
• Suggested tourism slogans for Hamilton
  
• Why Team USA is going to finish 12th at the Olympics
  
• Chat heckling from Bitter Leaf Fan and Odin Mercer
  
• Todd Gill: Awesome, or super-awesome?
  
• No, we don't care if you want to cover serious hockey topics, PPP and I are just going to keep talking about how Kyle Wellwood is fat.
  
• And a hilarious observation about the Gartner-for-Anderson trade...

You can download the podcast for free from itunes, or listen to it online below:



(Side note: Yes, PPP really is on the podcast. He doesn't say anything for the first 20 minutes, but he's there. He's just building the dramatic tension.)

A few other things:

• I was invited to participate in the DC Cheap Seats' hockey survey. You can read my answers here.
  
• This is a few weeks old, but I also had an entry in Puck Daddy's Five Reasons I Love Hockey series. And if you're thinking that I used the opportunity to go on about Wendel Clark and Kerry Fraser, you would be right.

So as you can see, I've been busy. In fact, I think I've made an appearance on every hockey blog except... this one. But we'll get that fixed in September. Double figure posts this month, guaranteed!

Probably. Maybe.

Maple Leafs Overtime Heroes: Mike Foligno vs. the Red Wings

This post kicks off a new series where we'll occasionally look back at memorable Leaf playoff overtime goals. Today's goal is Mike Foligno's winner against the Red Wings in game five of the 1993 playoffs, which gave the Leafs a 3-2 series lead.

Any Leaf fan over the age of 25 should remember Mike Foligno's overtime goal against the Red Wings. Probably the most famous goal of Foligno's long career, it served as turning point in the Leafs' eventual series win that launched the rebirth of the Leafs as quasi-contenders.

Heading into game five in Detroit, the series had been predictable: the heavily favored Wings had won two blowouts at home, while the underdog Leafs had won two squeakers at MLG. Mid-way through the game it seemed like the pattern would hold, as the Leafs were trailing 4-1.

Thanks to a furious comeback by the Leafs and some Toskalish goaltending by Tim Cheveldae, the two teams went to overtime for the first time in the series. And just two minutes in, this happened:

The video pretty much speaks for itself, and I could just end the post here. But I hope everyone realizes by now that that's not the way things work around these parts.

No, instead we're going to analyze the entire clip in ridiculous detail. Here are nine interesting things about this goal:

Probert's giveaway
The play starts with one of the worst overtime giveaways in recent memory. Bob Probert has an easy path out of the Wings zone, but sees a check coming from Foligno and throws the puck carelessly along the blueline instead.

Now a lot of people will criticize Probert for this one, but I'm going to defend him. Put yourself in his position. He's trying to make a play along the boards when out of the corner of his eye he sees somebody skating towards him wearing a Maple Leafs jersey with the numbers "1" and "7" on it.

Every other time this happened to Probert in his career, he spent the next few days trying to poop out shards of his own teeth. So I don't think you can blame him for going into full-on panic mode here. I think he actually showed a lot of restraint by not finding the nearest exit, sprinting down the hallway and pulling the first fire alarm he saw.

Anyways, the puck slides almost all the way across the ice before two players converge on it.

Clark vs. Lidstrom
Yes, that's a young Nik Lidstrom trying to stop Wendel Clark along the boards. Clark winds up with the puck. Lidstrom winds up with a nicely framed diploma, because he gets taken to school.

Here's an approximate transcript of Nik Lidstrom's thought process on this play:

"Here comes the puck, I should probably go and... oh god almighty, here comes Wendel. OK, stay calm. Hook him. Hook him again. Don't make eye contact. Hook him a third time. He's not stopping. Dear god why isn't anybody helping me? Now he just slammed on the brakes and left me standing here by myself. Good, I'm going to just aimlessly skate backwards and let somebody else deal with this. Hey, did somebody just pull a fire alarm?"

After Clark is done shrugging off a terrified Lidstrom he spins back and executes a backhanded saucer pass to a streaking Foligno, who Clark was no doubt able to spot because of...

Foligno's helmet
Three things you need to know about Mike Foligno's helmet.

• He made it himself out of an old salad bowl.
  
• It had a white stripe around it for absolutely no reason.
  
• For his entire Leafs career, it was always a slightly different shade of blue than everyone else's

And yes, I listed those in increasing order of how much they annoyed me. And still do.

The goal
Not much to say about this one, except to point out that Cheveldae executes one of the great overtime "losing goaltender sprint off the ice" moves of all-time. I love those.

There are only two types of athletes who are allowed to react to crushing defeat by storming away as quickly as they can: sobbing five-year-olds whose parents signed them up for sports against their will, and NHL goaltenders. And when they build a hall of fame for losing goalie sprints, the first inductee will be Ed Belfour.

Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right. Moving on...

The Foligno Leap
Every Leaf fan knows the Foligno Leap, and at least 25% have suffered a serious ACL injury trying to replicate it.

But here's a question: why did Mike Foligno have his own patented goal celebration? Has any other player in NHL history had a specific goal celebration that was unique ot them? I don't mean one-time deals like Ovechkin's hot stick or Selanne's air rifle, I mean specific celebrations that they did every single time they scored. I can't think of any.

Doesn't that seem odd to you? Journeyman grinder Mike Foligno somehow became the only player to get his own patented celebration. This would be like if the only NFL wide receiver to ever do an endzone celebration was Waybe Chrebet. And yet everyone in the hockey world was fine with this.

So Foligno does his leap, the Leafs pile onto the ice, and we get a rare sighting of...

Darren Puppa
Is it me, or is Puppa a little bit too involved in the post-goal celebration? He's only been on the team for a few weeks, but he's right in there, aggressively looking for somebody to hug but not finding any takers.

True story: I was once at a wedding reception with Darren Puppa. A friend and I decided to play a game called "how many reception pictures can you take that have Darren Puppa somewhere in the background?" After a few drinks, we were basically posing for pictures in his lap.

He probably hates me.

Alright then, moving on...

Todd Gill's celebration
This was an important goal scored by the Leafs during the 1990s, so you're no doubt assuming that Todd Gill was on the ice. And he was, as you can see on the right-side of the screen during the replay at the 0:50 mark.

Watch his reaction. When the goal goes in, Gill raises his arms in the air and appears to do a 360-degree twirl. He doesn't head for Foligno, or towards another teammate. He just stays where he is and spins around by himself.

It's a bizarre was to react to a goal, but it felt vaguely familiar to me. And then it hit me: arms raised... random spinning... no interaction with teammates...

Todd Gill is doing the goal celebration from NHL '93!

The only thing missing is an occasional fist pump, an annoying siren, and my college roommate desperately trying to check him headfirst into the boards from behind and then making me watch the replay of that seven hundred times.

Pat Burns' reaction
This is the single greatest "holy crap, I can not believe we actually won" reaction of all time. Burns doesn't even try to contain it. He can not believe the Maple Leafs actually won this game.

He's still smiling a minute later as the players are coming off the ice. He's in such a good mood that we get to see a series of awkward high five attempts, even though Burns is holding either a pen or a Virginia Slim cigarette. I think you can tell which players on the team were cool by how they react to the high-five. Doug Gilmour handles it smoothly, while Mike Krushelnyski has no idea what to do.

Also, Burns is wearing suspenders. I don't know why this makes it so much better, but it does.

The old man strut
At the very end of the clip, you can see Foligno leave the ice and walk into the dressing room. Except he doesn't walk. He lets out some sort of warrior scream, then proceeds to strut into the dressing room like he's Ric Flair fighting a stomach flu.

As an added bonus, Kent Manderville tries to leap into Foligno's arms but mistimes it and winds up awkwardly landing by himself.

Homework assignment: at some point this week, you must enter a room strutting like Mike Foligno. And that includes the pre-strut scream. I'd suggest a crowded elevator, a church service, or a conference room at work during a meeting you were not invited to. Report back here when done.

Update: Commenter kidkawartha adds a tenth moment: at 0:42, does Foligno seem to be... um... "getting to know" Bob Rouse?

Leafs draft preview: I have a bad feeling about this...

Various media have reported today that Brian Burke is still hot on the trail of John Tavares. With less than 72 hours left to make a deal, Burke has apparently made no progress but feels he has plenty of time.

I'm glad to hear it. Because for the past few weeks I've been devouring mock drafts and trying to talk myself into three players that the Leafs seem to have the best shot at: Brayden Schenn, Jared Cowen, and Magnus Pääjärvi-Svensson.

And it will probably not shock you to learn that it's not going so well.

Yes, each of these three guys sounds like a fantastic player. And each would clearly fill a glaring need on a Leafs roster that has plenty of them. But as you no doubt know by now, it's in my nature to look for the downside as well.

So let's take a look at the three most likely candidates to become your next Maple Leaf savior, and why we may need to downgrade expectations.

---

I wonder if Tyler Kennedy
has a younger brother
who needs his ass kicked?

Brayden Schenn

The strengths: Is the brother of Luke Schenn.

Seriously, that's really all you need to know. NHL scouts haven't even bothered to watch him. His parents have patiently tried to explain that Brayden doesn't like hockey and has never even been on skates, but he's still Luke's brother so he's a top five pick. End of story.

The concern: I'll be honest, I love the idea of having two brothers form the core of our long-term rebuild. Luke Schenn was such a monster last year that the thought of doubling down on the family gene pool has me giddy.

But let's run down the script here: Luke is older. He's better known. The Leafs traded up to get him, he made the team as a teenager, played on the top pairing for much of the season, was named to the all-rookie team, and earlier today he was inducted into the NHL Hall of Fame. When he walks the streets of Toronto, tiny eunuchs scurry in front of him to scatter rose petals.

Now here comes Brayden, the younger brother who may actually be more talented. But he's trapped in his big brother's shadow. And he knows it. Everybody knows it.

If a lifetime of english literature, greek epic poetry and professional wrestling have taught me anything, it's that younger brothers can't be trusted. The potential for an eventual dramatic brotherly backstab is off-the-charts here.

Keep in mind, these two kids are from Western Canada. There's precedent here that should raise all kind of red flags. Don't say you weren't warned if at some point Brayden snaps on Luke, and kicks his leg out of his leg.

---

Jared Cowen does his
impression of every Leaf
fan the day JFJ was hired.

Jared Cowen

The strengths: Was a consensus top five pick who was even getting some fringe consideration as a potential first overall choice until he blew out his knee this season and slid down the rankings. Has the size and mean streak to be the steal of the draft. If paired with Luke Schenn, would likely play his entire career without ever being on the ice for a goal against.

The concern: None. Drafting a can't-miss defensive stud who dropped in the rankings because he wrecked his knee is always a great idea.

Seriously, this is can't miss. Any time you have a chance to take a top ten pick and turn it into Grant Jennings, you have to go for it.

---

This man could someday
break Doug Gilmour's team
record for ridiculous hair.

Magnus Pääjärvi-Svensson

The strengths: MPS, as the kids call him, is a dynamic playmaking winger with excellent size, speed and creativity. Based on raw skill alone he would immediately become the Leafs' best winger, and probably also their second-line center and perhaps backup goalie.

The concern: His name is, literally, impossible to spell. I know this seems petty, but I'm a blogger. This is important to me.

Seriously, take a good long look at it: Magnus Pääjärvi-Svensson. WTF?

I don't know about you, but I don't have a "ä" key on my keyboard, let alone three of them. What kind of person fires off a triple umlaut into one name? Is he a hockey player or an 80s hair metal band?

Here's a little known fact about Magnus Pääjärvi-Svensson: his full name has only ever been typed once. Since then, every single person who has ever written about him has been cutting and pasting from that original version, passing it down to future generations like monks transcribing the bible. If the Leafs draft him, they should create a page on their web site that just says "Magnus Pääjärvi-Svensson" in 36-point font so that writers can easily grab it whenever they need to mention him.

At the very least, can we all agree to ditch the horribly uncreative "MPS" nickname in favor of something better? I'm suggesting "CTRL-V". Who's with me?

---

As you can see, I'm struggling here.

So please, Burkie, get a deal done. Draft John Tavares for us long-suffering Leaf fans, so that we'll finally have a prospect with no downside.

(You know, other than the poor defensive play, mediocre skating, questionable work ethic... oh god...)

Draft note: I'll be blogging on Friday night during the first round of the draft. I won't call it a liveblog, but I'll try to update a few times over the course of the night.

And since I'm apparently the only hockey blogger on the planet who won't be in Montreal this weekend, I may also try to hack into Pension Plan Puppets and post there too. Assuming PPP hasn't changed the site's password ("gillsux"), head over when the Leafs make their pick and commiserate with me.