Playing “What if?” with four of the cap era’s biggest free agency decisions

We’re over a week into the free agency period, which means most of the big decisions have already been made. And we’ve seen plenty. The Canadiens chose to try an offer sheet on Sebastian Aho, and the Hurricanes chose to match. Artemi Panarin chose the Rangers over the Islanders and Blue Jackets. The Panthers chose to give $70 million to a goaltender. And the Predators chose to finally do whatever it took to land Matt Duchene, even if it meant giving up P.K. Subban.

Will some of those decisions turn out to be mistakes? Probably. That’s the beauty of this time of year. The GMs, owners, players and agents make the best choices they can, and the rest of us get to watch and see how it all turns out.

That’s always been the fun part for me, because I love a good round of “what if?” I mean, I really love it. I’m the guy who once wrote an entire alternate history of the NHL based on the Tom Kurvers trade never happening. I may have a problem. But I’m betting at least a few of you are right there with me.

So today, let’s look back on four key free agency-related scenarios from the salary cap era, and how history may have changed if they played out differently. As we’ll see, the decisions that get made at this time of year can have profound and sometimes unexpected impacts – not just on the teams and players involved, but on what does (and doesn’t) happen around the league as a result.

2006: What if the Senators choose Zdeno Chara over Wade Redden?

The situation: One year into the cap era, the Senators were Cup contenders who’d just finished the 2005-06 season with the best record in the East. But they were faced with a tricky offseason dilemma. Each of their two best defensemen, Wade Redden and Zdeno Chara, were on the brink of unrestricted free agency. And the team decided that they only had the budget and cap space to re-sign one of them.

So who would it be? Both players were coming off excellent seasons; Chara had finished fourth in Norris voting, while Redden was fifth. Chara was a rare combination of size and skill who’d taken a while to find his game in the NHL but had developed into one of the best defensemen in the league since being traded to Ottawa, having been named a first-team all-star in 2004. Redden hadn’t quite hit those heights but owned a longer track record, having been a consistent presence on the Ottawa blueline for a decade. Along with Daniel Alfredsson, he was the face of the franchise.

You can pick one. Who do you go with?

What happened: The decision went down to the wire, but ultimately the Senators chose Redden, re-signing him on the eve of free agency to a two-year extension that carried a $6.5 million cap hit. Chara became a UFA, and quickly signed a five-year deal with the Bruins with a $7.5 million cap hit.

Needless to say, it all worked out brilliantly for the Bruins. Chara has had 13 years and counting in Boston; he’s been a postseason all-star five times, won a Norris and been a finalist four other times, and led the team to a Stanley Cup in 2011. He’s almost certainly the greatest free agent signing of the cap era, and maybe even of all-time.

Redden finished out his two-year extension in Ottawa, playing reasonably well if not quite at an all-star level, before needing a new deal again in 2008. This time, the Senators couldn’t keep him, and even tried to get him to waive his no-trade clause on multiple occasions. He refused, denting his reputation with some Senators fans in the process, and eventually signed a six-year contract with the Rangers on the first day of free agency. That deal ended up being a bust, and Redden spent much of it in the AHL.

At the time, it had seemed like a tough call. In hindsight, it couldn’t have been more lopsided. And the Senators chose wrong.

But what if… : First things first. A lot of the “Redden vs. Chara” narrative has always felt a little too convenient. We don’t know a lot of what happened behind the scenes, including whether Chara ever really wanted to stay in Ottawa in the first place. It’s possible that the Senators just re-signed the player who wanted to stay to the best deal they could, and the rest of it is just a dramatic storyline slapped on top of some fairly standard cap management.

But that’s no fun. So let’s pretend that the Senators really were faced with an either/or choice. What if they’d chosen Chara, on the same sort of five-year deal he got from Boston?

Well, the first repercussion is that a big chunk of their fan base is furious. That’s the part of the story that gets skipped over these days, but as a hockey fan living in Ottawa at the time, I can tell you that it’s hard to overstate just how popular Redden was. He had his occasional detractors, like any player. But for most of his time as a Senator he was the golden boy, and the fans didn’t want to see him go.

Are the Senators better with Chara instead, even at a higher salary? In hindsight, absolutely, although it’s worth remembering that Redden helped them get to the Stanley Cup final in 2007. Do they win that final with Chara in the lineup? They might. And they almost definitely manage more than the two playoff game wins they had over the following four years. Could they have kept Chara on another deal beyond that? That gets dicey, but even if he’d bolted after five years, they’d have still come out ahead compared to two years of Redden.

Meanwhile, the Bruins lose out on their captain, and probably their 2011 Cup too. More bad news: they would have had an extra $7.5 million to spend in that 2006 offseason. Do they throw it at another blueliner, like Ed Jovanovski or Pavel Kubina? Or maybe one of the big forwards like Alex Tanguay or Martin Havlat? None of those options look great in hindsight. Take Chara off the market in 2006, and the next decade-plus of Bruins history starts to look very different.

On that note, here’s one more what-if to consider: What if Chara had hit the market, but chosen not to sign in Boston? According to reports, the other main bidder was the Los Angeles Kings. Would Chara have been as dominant in Los Angeles as he was in Boston? Probably. But that might not have been a good thing. If Chara improve the rebuilding Kings by just a few wins by Year 2, that moves them out of the second-overall pick in the 2008 draft, and probably makes Drew Doughty an Atlanta Thrasher. Do the Kings win two Cups with Chara instead of Doughty? And if you want to really get crazy, do the Thrashers improve enough after adding Doughty with the second-overall pick that they’re not in Winnipeg today? Bruins fans are happy that we never got to find out.

>> Read the full post at The Athletic

(Want to read this post on The Athletic for free? Sign up for a free seven-day trial.)

Building a roster of the cap era’s worst July 1 signings

So the first day of free agency has come and gone. How did your team do?

Probably not well. If history is any guide, your team either missed out on the big signings, or paid way too much to get in on them. If we’ve learned anything about July 1 in the salary cap era, it’s that jumping in with both feet on Day 1 of the open market can lead to a lot of regret. There are bargains, sure, and occasionally a team will sign a big-dollar deal that works out great. But those are exceptions. Most of the time, July 1 is the day that GMs do their very worst work.

That feels like something worth celebrating. So as we recover from yesterday’s chaos and try to digest all the money NHL GMs just threw around, let’s look back on the mistakes of the past by building a full roster out of some of the worst July 1 UFA deals of the cap era.

A couple of quick ground rules:

– We’re only looking for UFA deals that were signed on July 1. That rules out a few names you might be expecting to see here, like New York’s Brad Richards or Calgary’s James Neal (both of whose deals came a few days into free agency) and Philadelphia’s Ilya Bryzgalov (who was actually acquired in a trade and signed before he reached UFA status, but still needs to be mentioned here because that was hilarious).

– We’re judging signings based on a mix of the reaction at the time and how the deal looks with the benefit of hindsight. Because of that second part, we’re going to try really hard not to include any of this year’s signing, although (double-checks yesterday’s list) yeah no promises.

– The 2013 offseason schedule was thrown off a few days by the lockout, so for that season only “July 1” is actually July 5.

All contract information, including signing date and cap hit percentage, is from the CapFriendly signing database. Salaries are average annual value; “cap hit” is the percentage of that season’s cap.

As you might expect, there’s going to be some overlap with our worst possible cap team exercise from last season. But as bad as that roster was, this one might be even more depressing. You’ve been warned. Let’s get started.

First line

Scott Gomez, Rangers, 2007: 7 x $7.357 million, 14.63% cap hit

This deal seemed steep at the time, and got far worse over the years. It wasn’t the complete disaster you might remember it as – Gomez was actually pretty good in his first year in New York, and nearly hit the 60-point mark in the next two. And of course, the Rangers managed to somehow unload the deal onto the Canadiens before it really blew up. But once it did, man, it was awful. When you have your own website to track whether you’ve scored, that’s bad. When that site doesn’t change for over a year, that’s worse.

David Clarkson, Maple Leafs, 2013: 7 x $5.25 million, 8.16% cap hit

“I’m not worried about six or seven right now,” Leafs GM Dave Nonis infamously said when signing the deal. “I’m worried about one. And Year 1, I know we’re going to have a very good player.”

Nope. Clarkson was a miss almost immediately, in part due to an ill-advised suspension that delayed his regular season debut. To be fair, many Leafs fans loved the deal at the time, and some of the local media went nuts for it. Others immediately saw the disaster that was coming, including a young Globe and Mail beat writer who I hear went on to work at some website.

While it was never from lack of trying, Clarkson never clicked in Toronto, and didn’t even last two seasons before the team ate millions of dollars to ship him to Columbus. He hasn’t played since 2015-16 and almost certainly never will again, but his contract is still kicking around the league – partly because Nonis decided to make it virtually buyout proof.

Milan Lucic, Oilers, 2016: 7 x $6 million, 8.22% cap hit

Three years after watching the Leafs throw seven years at an aging power forward because of heart and grit and compete level, the Oilers apparently figured they could do even better. Lucic at least gave them one decent year, which is one more than the Leafs ever got from Clarkson. But unlike the Leafs, the Oilers haven’t yet figured out a way to wiggle out from under this contract, despite rumors that they’re desperately trying.

>> Read the full post at The Athletic

(Want to read this post on The Athletic for free? Sign up for a free seven-day trial.)

Seven Canadian teams that should have made the Stanley Cup final (and how it all went wrong)

We’re down to one Canadian team left in the NHL playoffs, which means hockey fans across the country have come together behind a common cause: Telling people who think we should all unite behind the last Canadian team to knock it off.

That’s just how this time of year goes. Every Canadian fan knows that the country hasn’t won a Stanley Cup since 1993. And all of us want our team to be the one to break the streak. Get behind some other team, just for the sake of national pride? For most of us, that’s just not how it works.

So while the Jets are this season’s best bandwagon team, many Canadian fans still won’t get on board. And if you’re in the group that’s rooting for Winnipeg to fail, there’s good news — for the last quarter-century, the best Canadian teams have always found a way to blow it.

And that’s not even the teams that lost in the Final. We’ve had five of those since 1993, four of which came within one win of ending the drought. We all remember those teams. But plenty of other Canadian contenders haven’t even made it that far.

So today, as excitement builds in Winnipeg for a run to the Stanley Cup Final, let’s remember the other teams that once felt the same way, only to see it all fall apart.

We’ll look back on one season from each of Canada’s other teams that should have resulted in a trip to the Final, or even in the Stanley Cup finally coming home — but somehow didn’t.

The team: 2011–12 Vancouver Canucks

Their record: 51-22-9 and a league-leading 111 points; this was the Canucks’ second straight Presidents’ Trophy.

Leading scorers: Henrik Sedin (81 points), Daniel Sedin (67 points), Alex Burrows (52 points)

Starting goaltender: Roberto Luongo (2.41 GAA, 919 save percentage)… well, mostly. We’ll get to that.

Why they should have made it: By 2012, there really wasn’t much debate that the Canucks were the best team in the league. Coming off of the previous year’s heart-breaking loss in the Stanley Cup final, they opened the season with an underwhelming October before rolling over the league for the rest of the year. After two straight Presidents’ Trophies and four consecutive years of 100+ points, the Canucks went into the playoffs as the favourites to once against represent the West in the Stanley Cup final.

What went wrong: The Kings showed up. Despite only being the West’s eight-seed, the Kings were the season’s analytics darlings and felt like a tough draw in the opening round. They were more than that, sweeping the first two games in Vancouver by identical 4–2 scores. That was enough for head coach Alain Vigneault to hand the starting duties over to Cory Schneider for the remainder of the series. The backup played well, but the Kings finished off Vancouver in five games.

While the swap felt like a gutsy move at the time and Luongo bent over backwards to downplay any controversy, in hindsight this series was the beginning of the end for the Canucks as legitimate Stanley Cup contenders. The next few years featured the protracted Luongo/Schneider drama, the firing of Vigneault (and John Tortorella and Willie Desjardins), and a steady lurch towards last place.

What the Jets can learn: Never assume tomorrow. Even in the aftermath of the loss to the Kings, the Canucks felt like a team well-positioned for at least a few more years of contending. Instead, they’ve won just two playoff games in the six years since, and the Sedin-era team will go into the history books as one of the best to never win a Cup.

The team: 2002–03 Ottawa Senators

Their record: 52-21-8-1 (yes, this was in the four-column standings days). That was good for 113 points and the franchise’s only Presidents’ Trophy win.

Leading scorers: Marian Hossa (80 points) and Daniel Alfredsson (78 points). The team also featured the second-half debut of 19-year-old Jason Spezza, as well as a blue line featuring both Wade Redden and Zdeno Chara. They were strong everywhere.

Starting goaltender: Patrick Lalime (2.16 GAA, .911 save percentage). OK, almost everywhere.

Why they should have made it: This was the peak of the Jacques Martin era, one that saw the Senators master the art of playing a suffocatingly effective style. They were deep and disciplined, and despite how you may remember it, they were also one of the league’s highest-scoring teams.

And on top of all that, this was the year that the Senators didn’t have to worry about running into the Maple Leafs in the playoffs. The Battle of Ontario had been one-sided over the years, and maybe that got into the Senators’ heads a little bit. But with the Leafs making an early exit, Ottawa finally had a clear path through the East that didn’t involve slaying any dragons. They knocked off the Islanders in five and the Flyers in six before meeting the Devils in the conference final, knowing that the winner would be big favourites over the upstart Mighty Ducks in the final.

What went wrong: One blown coverage that probably cost them the Stanley Cup.

That’s over-simplifying things, of course — it’s never just one play. But after falling behind 3–1 against New Jersey, the Senators stayed alive with a Game 5 win followed by some overtime heroics from Chris Phillips in Game 6 to force a deciding game back in Ottawa. That turned out to be a tense battle that seemed headed towards another sudden-death showdown. And then it all fell apart.

The Devils closed out the game, then went on to beat the Mighty Ducks in the final.

Unlike the Canucks, the Senators remained contenders for years to come, and finally got to play for a Stanley Cup in 2007. But in hindsight, there’s a good case to be made that 2003 was actually the closest they ever came to winning it all.

What the Jets can learn: On a 2-on-2, maybe don’t both take the same guy.

>> Read the full post at Sportsnet

Revisiting the golden era of the three-way blockbuster

NHL fans had plenty to talk about over the weekend thanks to a major trade involving the Senators, Predators and Avalanche. The deal finally ended the long-running Matt Duchene saga, sent pending UFA Kyle Turris to Nashville with an extension in hand, and signaled a major change in direction for all three teams involved.

While it’s rare to see a trade of this significance go down so early in the season, the deal was notable for another reason. It resurrected a concept that’s all but disappeared from the NHL over the years: the blockbuster three-way trade.

Fans love the concept of the three-way deal. In theory, they should be more common in the modern NHL, where we’re constantly told that good fits and cap space are tough to find. Adding another team to the mix seems like an ideal way to address those issues, and it’s not surprising that so many hot-stove rumours inevitably see speculation about a third team getting involved.

But it rarely happens, at least on any sort of significant scale. We’ve seen a few in recent years, like last year’s Mark Streit deal and the whole John Scott thing, but those were relatively minor moves. The Kyle Quincey deal from 2012 was bigger, but hardly earth-shattering.

(And yes, we’ll pause to acknowledge that technically, three-way NHL trades don’t exist. A trade can only involve two teams, so a three-way deal is actually a series of discrete two-team trades. Settle down, comment-section pedants — you know what we mean.)

So what happened? Where did the three-way blockbuster go?

Maybe modern-day GMs are right when they tell us that trading is just too hard. Maybe today’s front offices, clogged with assistants and analytics experts and consultants and a dozen other voices, just aren’t built for creativity. Maybe three-way deals are meant to be a relic of the past, when a table full of impatient GMs could order a few pints and then swing a deal or two.

Or maybe — now that the Senators, Predators and Avalanche have reminded us how it’s done — we can hold out hope that the concept will come back into style.

So today, let’s head back to the 1990s and revisit the golden age of the three-way blockbuster. Here are five significant three-way NHL trades from a decade when NHL GMs often found that three heads were better than two.

1) Nov. 2, 1993: Acquiring an iron man

The background: By the time the 1993-94 campaign arrived, Steve Larmer had spent 11 full seasons with the Blackhawks. And they had been full – Larmer had never missed a game over that time, playing 884 straight to get within range of Doug Jarvis’s all-time iron-man record. But Larmer’s streak ended on opening night, not due to an injury or a benching, but because he was holding out to force a trade.

One month into his holdout, with Larmer holding firm on his demand for a change of scenery, the veteran winger got his wish.

The deal: The Blackhawks sent Larmer and Bryan Marchment to Hartford for Patrick Poulin and Eric Weinrich. The Whalers then flipped Larmer along with Nick Kypreos, minor-league defenceman Barry Richter and a draft pick to the Rangers for James Patrick and Darren Turcotte.

The move was part of the Rangers’ push to build a contender around Mark Messier, one that would see them add veterans from around the league as the season went on. It was also part of the mid-’90s Whalers’ apparent attempt to have every star player of the era show up on their roster and then immediately leave.

The winner: Larmer. He’d play only two years in New York, retiring after the lockout-shortened 1995 season, but he’d arrive just in time to be reunited with Mike Keenan and help the Ranges win the 1994 Stanley Cup. Weinrich and Poulin were fine for Chicago, but didn’t exactly represent a windfall, while Marchment, Turcotte and Patrick all lasted less than two years in Hartford.

(Kypreos ended up doing OK for himself, too.)

>> Read the full post at Sportsnet

The ten types of bad contracts (and how to avoid them)

On Tuesday, San Jose Sharks defenceman Brent Burns signed an eight-year extension that will pay him $64 million and carry an $8 million cap hit.

It’s a huge contract — the biggest since Jamie Benn‘s deal this past summer and almost certainly the largest that we’ll see signed during the 2016-17 season.

But none of that really matters.

What fans want to know about the Burns contract is this: Is it a good deal or a bad one?

We can't know for sure yet, although we can already compare it to those of his peers.

The early consensus seems to point to a deal that carries a fair cap hit for a player of his caliber, but with a length that makes it a high-risk gamble on a player who'll have turned 40 by the time the contract expires. Only time will tell whether the deal ends up being worth the risk for the Sharks.

But even if the Burns deal does end up backfiring for San Jose, they'll have plenty of company. The NHL is littered with bad contracts; every team has at least a couple.

Twelve seasons into the salary cap era, you'd think general managers would be learning how to avoid some of these mistakes. But we still see them made all the time, and they usually fall into one of a few categories.

So today, let's look through those categories, and see if we can give our friends in NHL front offices some tips on avoiding them.

—

THE JULY 1 MELTDOWN

The contract: This is the most obvious category, with a big chunk of the league's worst deals falling into it.

To put it simply, NHL GMs do their worst work when unrestricted free agency opens on July 1. You target a player, the bidding war starts, and next thing you know you're paying way more than you meant to.

We've actually seen a drop in truly terrible July 1 deals over the years, largely thanks to the new negotiation window that opens up a few days in advance. But we still see more mistakes made on that one day than any other.

Recent examples: Scott Gomez. Wade Redden. Danny Briere. Brad Richards. Stephen Weiss. Loui Eriksson. Andrew Ladd.

How to avoid it: Don't let anybody in the front office anywhere near a phone on July 1.

Seriously, how long will it be before some GM (or owner) makes this an official team policy? Every year, we see teams pay through the nose for players on July 1, and every year we see great bargains still sitting around a few days later for a fraction of the price.

Every GM thinks they can be the one who makes the smart deal on UFA day, but history has shown us that most of them are wrong.

—

PAYING FOR INTANGIBLES

The contract: Look, intangibles exist. Just because something is hard to measure doesn't mean it's not important, and that's especially true in a sport like hockey.

Leadership matters. So does work ethic. And yes, even heart. But the waiver wire is filled with guys with plenty of heart and leadership. Paying top dollar for it rarely works out well.

Recent examples: Ryan Kesler. Ryan Callahan. Casey Cizikas.

How to avoid it: If your star player is also your hard-working leader, then great, go ahead and pay him. But if not, smart GMs will focus on pouring as much talent as possible into the core and save the intangibles for the (far cheaper) depth pieces.

If there are two mistakes on this list that can torpedo a team's cap situation, it's paying for intangibles and the July 1 meltdown. In fact, it's hard to even imagine anything worse…

Oh, hey, what's this next section…

—

THE JULY 1 MELTDOWN THAT INVOLVES PAYING FOR INTANGIBLES

The contract: Oh no.

Recent examples: Dave Bolland. Deryk Engelland. Ryane Clowe. Dale Weise. Clayton Stoner. Stephane Robidas. And the worst of them all: David Clarkson.

How to avoid it: If anyone in your front office so much as utters the words "compete level" on July 1, fire them immediately.

>> Read the full post at Sportsnet

The worst free agent signings of the last two decades

Free agency opens on Friday, as teams will be officially allowed to sign players on the open market, and fans around the league should be excited.

No, wait, excited isn’t the right word. What’s the one I’m looking for? Terrified. That’s the one. You should all be terrified.

That’s because, despite the occasional success story, NHL teams tend to be terrible at signing free agents. They can’t help themselves. And it rarely takes long for the initial excitement of a big signing to give way to the realization that a team has just handed out too much money for way too many years.

As we count down to Friday’s deadline, let’s take some time to look back at some cautionary examples of how quickly a big deal can go bad. Here are my picks for the five worst unrestricted free agency signings of the last two decades.

5. Teemu Selanne and Paul Kariya, Colorado, 2003

The deal: The two friends (and former Ducks teammates) shopped themselves as a tandem deal, eventually signing cheap one-year contracts with the powerhouse Avalanche. How cheap? Selanne took a pay cut to $5.8 million after declining a $6.5 million option in San Jose. But that was nothing compared to Kariya, who took just $1.2 million after making $10 million the year before in Anaheim. Both players could have made much more elsewhere, but they were chasing their first Stanley Cup rings, and joining Joe Sakic, Peter Forsberg and an already loaded Avalanche team seemed like the best way to do it.

Why it made sense at the time: Are you kidding? Go back and re-read those details – it was foolproof. When the deals were announced, hockey fans everywhere pretty much threw up their hands and conceded the 2004 Cup to the Avalanche.

How it ended: In what may stand as the NHL’s greatest example of a can’t miss move somehow missing, both Selanne and Kariya were busts in Colorado and the Avalanche lost in the second round. That latter part wasn’t a huge shock – while the Avs still had most of their big names from their Cup years, they’d lost Patrick Roy to retirement in the offseason, and winning a title with David Aebischer never felt like a safe bet. But the real surprises were Kariya and Selanne, neither of whom cracked 40 points. When Steve Konowalchuk is outscoring both of your sure-thing signings, it’s safe to say that something has gone terribly wrong.

4. Ville Leino, Buffalo, 2011

The deal: Coming off a career-best 53 points, the 27-year-old winger landed a six-year, $27 million deal from the Sabres.

Why it made sense at the time: After years of drifting into small market status, the Sabres had a rich new owner and were ready to spend some of Terry Pegula’s money. (They also gave Christian Ehrhoff a 10-year, $40-million deal.) Leino had just posted a career year while helping the Flyers make it to the Cup final, and it was time for the Sabres to make some noise.

How it ended: Leino was a massive bust in Buffalo; his eight goals and 25 points in year one ended up being by far his most productive season as a Sabre. He missed almost all of year two of the deal, then went the entire 2013-14 season without scoring a single goal before being mercifully bought out.

(By the way, Leino wasn’t close to the worst contract handed out during the summer of 2011. That honor would go to a deal you’re probably expecting to see on this list: Ilya Bryzgalov’s $51-million deal with the Flyers that led to a massive buyout just two years later. But that one wasn’t technically a free agency deal, since the Flyers had acquired his negotiating rights and signed the deal before he reached the open market on July 1. )

>> Read the full post at The Hockey News

The best and worst of a decade of free agency

I was on vacation last week, but whenever I flipped on a TV or checked Twitter, every sports fan I saw was going nuts about some sort of big free-agency signing. I checked the hockey transactions when I got back, and I’ll be honest: I didn’t really see what all the fuss was about. I guess everyone was just really excited about Bryan Lerg.

But now that I’m back, I figured today would be a good day for a look back on NHL free agency. And not just this year’s edition — I want to go all the way back over the past decade. After all, this summer marks the 10th offseason of the NHL’s salary cap era. If you remember, that era kicked off in 2005 with a brand-new CBA that, among other things, allowed players to earn unrestricted status much quicker than under the old rules. That was supposed to make free agency a more important part of building a contender, as more big names hit the market in their prime. Of course, it hasn’t quite worked out that way.

So let’s take a look back through that first decade of salary cap free agency and use the powers of hindsight to figure out which were the best and worst deals handed out each year (from the teams’ perspective). A few quick ground rules: First of all, we’re dealing only with players who changed teams; extensions feel like a different category. And we’re focusing on the big-dollar deals here, since we don’t want the “best” category to be overrun with minor deals for players who went on to unexpectedly develop into stars.

Let’s start at the beginning: August 2005, when the league emerged from a yearlong lockout and teams got their first crack at a new world of free agency.

2005

The 2005 offseason was a strange one. The lockout ended in July, and teams were given the opportunity to use unlimited compliance buyouts to get under the new salary cap. In theory, that should have flooded the market. In reality, teams largely played it cautious.

Best: Scott Niedermayer, Mighty Ducks, $28 million over four years

This one’s not an especially tough call, as Brian Burke and the Ducks nabbed a reigning Norris winner and future Hall of Famer who still had plenty of good years left. (They also had an advantage over other teams in the form of Scott’s brother Rob, who was already on the roster. The two had always wanted to play together.)

Scott Niedermayer posted a career high in points in his first season in Anaheim. When he was joined by Chris Pronger for 2006-07, the dominant duo gave the Ducks the franchise’s first Stanley Cup.

Worst: Alexander Mogilny, Devils, $7 million over two years/Vladimir Malakhov, Devils, $7.2 million over two years (tie)

You see what I mean about playing it cautious — while these two deals were mistakes, they weren’t the kind of long-term cap crushers we’d see in later years.

But yeah, it was a bit of a rough offseason for the Devils, who used the cap space saved by Niedermayer’s departure to sign a pair of bad deals. Mogilny lasted only half a season before being buried in the minors and eventually being placed on the injury list. Malakhov was sent home around the same time, and was eventually dealt to the Sharks in a deal that saw the Devils send a first-round pick to San Jose just to get rid of his cap hit.

2006

With one salary cap season under their belts, NHL GMs started getting more aggressive. The results were mixed, although most of the biggest deals signed this summer — like Brad Richards, Patrik Elias, Marty Turco, Bryan McCabe, and, most memorably, Rick DiPietro — were teams re-upping with their own players.

Best: Zdeno Chara, Bruins, $37.5 million over five years

Another easy call, and arguably the last big-time free agency deal that actually worked out well. The Senators famously chose to keep Wade Redden and let Chara test the market, a decision that was an utter disaster in hindsight (but, despite what you may remember, not all that unthinkable at the time). The Bruins swooped in and signed him to one of the league’s richest deals and he’s been their top defenseman ever since, winning a Norris Trophy and a Stanley Cup along the way.

One largely forgotten piece of this story: Bruins GM Peter Chiarelli had been hired but had not yet officially started work for Boston when the Chara deal was signed, as his previous team had insisted that he not leave until July 15. That old team: the Ottawa Senators. Was Chiarelli secretly involved in making the Chara deal anyway? We may never know, but let’s just say that Senators fans have their suspicions.

Worst: Ed Jovanoski, Coyotes, $32.5 million over five years

For the second straight year, NHL GMs managed to avoid signing any truly disastrous deals. Jovanoski had just turned 30 and was already battling injuries when the cash-strapped Coyotes made the curious decision to give him a deal that was just short of Chara’s. But it’s not like the deal was awful — he played well enough while finishing out the full deal in Arizona, and he’s even still (technically) active today.

Hey, maybe NHL GMs aren’t so dumb after all!

2007

Huh. Hold that thought. This is the year things started getting ugly.

>> Read the full post on Grantland

Other "thank you" newspaper ads from NHL stars through the years

Rick Nash said his final farewell to the city of Columbus last week. Days after being traded to the New York Rangers, Nash purchased a full-page ad in the Columbus Dispatch, featuring a personal letter thanking Blue Jacket fans for their support.

While the move was widely hailed as classy, it wasn't especially original. After all, star players taking out a full-page ad on their way out of town has become a hockey tradition. There's practically a template at this point, and Nash followed it to the letter: The player's name at the top, the big full-color photograph, the personal note at the bottom.

Where have we seen that before? From plenty of other star players who were moving on, as it turns out. Let's take a look through some newspaper archives around the league.

Here's a good example of a classy goodbye by a departing free agent.

Read the rest of this post...

Inside Gary Bettman's annual Halloween party

It's clearly not a post-season
pumpkin, since it has a flame in it.

Scene: Last night, in a spacious home in New York. Halloween-themed music plays, as various hockey personalities wander around in costume.

The doorbell rings, and is answered by a man dressed as a zombie wearing an Atlanta Thrashers jersey.

Gary Bettman: Glad you could make it, come on in.

A man wearing an old-fashioned executioner's hood walks in.

Brendan Shanahan: Hi Gary… how's the party coming this year?

Bettman: Can't complain. A little crowded, but I guess you have to expect that when you invite the whole league.

Shanahan: You invited everybody in the entire NHL to your Halloween party?

Bettman: Well, except for Raffi Torres.

Shanahan: Good call.

Read the rest of this post...

If NHL fans had their own training camp

His impression of the scout who suggested
signing Redden was uncanny.

OK, folks, can I get everyone’s attention? Quiet in the back, please. Don’t make me blow this whistle gain. As you know, NHL team training camps have opened. And we thought this year it would be a good idea to do the same for all of you, the fans. So everyone take a knee and listen up.

Today we’re going to go over some strategy for the coming season, diagram a few plays, and run a couple of drills. We may also have to send a few of you home. I know, I know, it won’t be fun for me either, but what’s a training camp without a few cuts? Everyone do you best and I’m sure you’ll stick around.

OK, let’s get started. First up is special teams. Now imagine your favourite team is on the powerplay. What are you fans going to be doing? Yes, that’s right, you’ll be yelling "SHOOOOT" for the entire two minutes. Let’s all practice that right now. Hey, good job! The Jets fans are a little rusty, but the rest of you guys are in mid-season form!

Read the rest of this post...

Where will Brad Richards sign?

Free agency is just days away, and there's little question about who the big name is. Brad Richards of the Dallas Stars is easily the best player available, and is expected to receive substantial offers from several big market teams. Where will he end up signing? It's all a mystery.

Or maybe not. Fans that have paid attention to recent free agent patterns may already have a sense of how all this will turn out.

In fact, Bloge Salming and I can picture it now...

RSS readers, click here.

You can find more Bloge Salming videos at Houses of the Hockey and at blogesalming.com.

You can download an mp3 of this song here.

Read the rest of this post...

Looking on the bright side of the Ottawa Senators season

"Yes, we have a plan. It involves us
repeatedly assuring you we have a plan."

The Ottawa Senators may have finally hit rock bottom.

The team has fallen to 27th place, miles out of the playoff spot they'd expected to contend for. They have the worst goal-differential in the entire league. They've lost six in a row at home, most recently an embarrassing 7-1 disaster at the hands of the Montreal Canadiens. The roster is old and expensive. And fans are screaming for heads on a platter.

So sure, things could be better. But is that any reason to get all negative?

Long-time readers know that I reject the online culture of cynical pessimism, and instead choose to always look at the glass as half full. So I reached out to my various contacts within the Ottawa organization, and they helped me put together a list of feel-good stories.

Cheer up, Senator fans. You have so much to be thankful for:

• Team salespeople report that the idea of renewing their season tickets apparently makes Senator fans really happy, since whenever you call to ask them about it they just laugh hysterically into the phone for hours.
  
  
• Making his only start of the season, third-string goalie Mike Brodeur recently gave up four goals in a half game's work and was then immediately sent down to the minors, which this season means he can be referred to as "The Good Brodeur".
  
  
• The players should be rested and ready to go next year thanks to an extended four-month offseason, as opposed to the three-and-a-half-month offseason that they're used to.
  
  
• The team has saved a ton of money on their office supplies budget in recent years by just giving every new coach the same generic "miscellaneous interim head coach" business cards.
  
  
• Let's just say that the franchise-record seven-year streak of not losing to the Maple Leafs in the playoffs shows absolutely no sign of ending any time in the next decade.
  
  
• The team is almost certain to have a top ten pick at this year's draft, so get ready to say hello to the next Brian Lee.
  
  
• Veteran defenceman Sergei Gonchar is having a career year, in the sense that at his age it's pretty much a given that every other season over the rest of his career will be even worse than this one.
  
  
• All in all, you have to admit that the players have actually done a pretty good job of dealing with the crushing pressure of playing for the city's third most popular NHL team.
  
  
• Anyone who's watched him play recently would agree that Alexei Kovalev is ridiculously, embarrassingly, horrifically overpaid at $5 million per year, which should make it especially entertaining when he gets $6 or $7 million as a free agent this summer from the Rangers.
  
  
• Thanks to the purchase of an insurance policy that pays $100 for each Pascal Leclaire injury, the team will turn a profit on the season of roughly seven billion dollars.
  
  
• The front office is unlikely to have to make any offseason choices between a future Norris winner and a future overpaid minor leaguer, which is good news since they tend to have a little bit of trouble with that one.
  
  
• Daniel Alfredsson just guaranteed that no team would be crazy enough to give up anything decent for a struggling 38-year-old with two more years left on his contract, so, ka-ching!
  
  
• Ownership is confident that the community will continue to support the franchise during a rebuilding phase, since other than the Rough Riders, Rebel, Loggers, Lynx, Renegades and maybe a dozen more at the most, Ottawa sports fans have never abandoned a losing team.
  
  
• They're about to embark on a thorough rebuilding of an Ontario-based team under the leadership of a former Anaheim Ducks general manager -- how could that ever go wrong?

Other ways NHL teams are watching the bottom line

The Devils' new fourth line
winger looked vaguely familiar.

While the action on the ice so far has been entertaining, most of the headlines generated by the NHL's opening week have come from off the ice. And thanks to the new reality of a salary cap world, they've been all about the bottom line.

The Toronto Maple Leafs sent defenceman Jeff Finger down to the AHL, where he'll have a chance to line up against other big money demotions like Sheldon Souray and Wade Redden. Meanwhile, the New Jersey Devils weren't even able to ice a full lineup for two games because they couldn't afford to call up players due to the salary cap.

While those stories made headlines, they weren't isolated incidents. Whether it's cap concerns or just old-fashioned penny pinching, everyone seems to have an eye on the balance sheet these days. And that's left many teams around the league scrambling to reduce costs any way they could in recent months.

Here's a few examples of ways that teams around the league have been cutting budgets leading up to the season.

Anaheim Ducks - Would like to follow in the footsteps of other teams by assigning NHL-calibre defencemen to the AHL. (Plan currently on hold pending acquisition of an NHL-calibre defenceman.)

Montreal Canadiens - Since the cost of repairing the damage to arena and surrounding areas resulting from riots after post-season wins are exorbitant, determine which player was solely responsible for those victories and trade him.

Washington Capitals - Could try to offset increased spending by scheduling additional games to create extra revenue; investigate whether its possible to maybe play a few dates in May some year.

Colorado Avalanche - Carefully ensure that team will not exceed the league's $59 million salary cap by making sure not to sign any players to $20 million contracts

Toronto Maple Leafs - Try to find some way to avoid paying those ridiculous entry level contracts to first round draft picks for a few years.

New Jersey Devils - Lay off the guy in charge of managing the salary cap, apparently.

Calgary Flames - Due to outrageous costs involved in heating an arena during the winter, see if the league will let us play a game outdoors this year.

Buffalo Sabres - Call up the cyborg manufacturing plant that created Tyler Myers and ask them to use cheaper materials for this year's model.

Edmonton Oilers - Experiment with some radical new strategy we haven't tried in years, like winning.

Detroit Red Wings - Reduce medical expenses by only targeting free agents who already qualify for coverage under Medicare.

New York Rangers - Conduct a thorough examination of front office spending, such as figuring out why the guy who empties the wastebaskets was given a $3 million dollar contract from Glen Sather.

Pittsburgh Penguins - Cut back spending on unnecessary luxuries, such as competent wingers.

Phoenix Coyotes - Reduce IT costs by seeing if we can't find an owner who could get us some sort of discount on our Blackberries.

Atlanta Thrashers - Save $2.4 million in cap space by walking away from any arbitration awards given to future Rocket Richard Trophy winners.

Los Angeles Kings - Cut down on pre-game costs by having the national anthem performed by the first homeless guy we can find who has his own guitar.

Philadelphia Flyers - Invite many of the best and brightest financial advisors from around the country to a team-sponsored symposium; lock the doors and have Chris Pronger steal all their lunch money.

Ottawa Senators - Keep player compensation to reasonable levels by only offering incentive bonuses that are unreachable, such as for winning the Vezina.

New York Islanders - Fire that guy who entertains fans during breaks by playing the slide trombone; ask players to start miming it instead.

Tips for dominating your fantasy hockey draft

After drafting my fifth Red Wing, I
realized my magazine was from 2002.

As the days count down to the start of the NHL's regular season, hockey fans are preparing for an annual September tradition: their fantasy hockey drafts.

A strong draft can give you an enormous advantage in your league, one that could translate into a spot in the winner's circle at the end of the season. The key is to be prepared, and to go into your draft with a focused strategy.

Here are some fantasy draft tips that will help you dominate your league this year.

• Remember that a new coach can have a big influence on a team's offensive output. So make sure to factor in the impact of Tom Renney in Edmonton, John Maclean in New Jersey, and whoever will be coaching the Rangers by mid-December.
  
  
• Instead of using traditional categories like goals and assists, suggest that your pool move to more advanced stats like Corsi and Delta SOT that do a better job of measuring a player's true value. This will give you an advantage during the draft, since your opponents will be distracted thinking about how much they'd like to punch you.
  
  
• If you're lucky enough to get the first overall pick in your draft, be sure to take Alexander Ovechkin. Because if you don't and Capitals owner Ted Leonsis finds out about it, uh oh, here come the blog posts.
  
  
• Be sure to come to your draft with a nice thick magazine. This will give you something to hit your laptop with in case your wireless connection keeps cutting out.
  
  
• Make sure to move Carey Price up your rankings if you play in a league that awards points for bitter, bitter tears.
  
  
• Every year there are a few players who greatly exceed even the most optimistic projections, and who can almost single-handedly determine the winner of a pool. You should probably try to figure out who those guys are going to be this year and then draft a whole bunch of them.
  
  
• As of this week, Vesa Toskala had yet to sign with an NHL team. Until he does, don't forget to reduce your scoring projections for every player in the league by about 25%.
  
  
• Consider using a late pick on Wade Redden if you're looking for a sleeper on the blueline who can quarterback a powerplay and put up decent point totals. You did say you're doing an AHL pool, right?
  
  
• It's always a good strategy to load up on players from teams like the Maple Leafs and Senators, who should finish the season strong since they won't have to save up their energy for the playoffs.
  
  
• Don't be "that guy" who goes to a hockey game and yells at the players to let them know they're on your fantasy team. To really get their attention, you'll need to whisper it from under their bed just as they're falling asleep.
  
  
• Don't forget, before spending a first round pick on Ilya Kovalchuk always check with Gary Bettman first to find out if it's OK.
  
  
• Be aware of your league's roster rules and the potential consequences of not following them. For example, failing to have two NHL goaltenders on your roster can result in invalid lineups, forfeited matchups, and a front office job offer from the Flyers.
  
  
• If you had Olli Jokinen on your team last year and were constantly disappointed by his lacklustre performance, for God's sakes don't go out and reacquire him for this season.
  
  
• Sure, it's always more fun to play in a pool with an "easy money" guy who puts together a terrible team that finishes dead last every year. But John Ferguson Jr. already told you that he's busy this week, so stop calling him.

NHL free agency through the years

With free agency season upon us, all eyes are focused on this year's crop of UFAs. Who'll get the best deal? Who'll bolt for the KHL? Which teams will improve, and which will be left on the sidelines?

We'll know soon enough. But in the meantime, let's remind ourselves of how unpredictable free agency can be by looking back at some notable signings from recent years.

Daniel and Henrik Sedin, Vancouver, 2009 - After signing a last-minute extension with the Canucks, the twins' plans to celebrate with a slice of that big cake that showed up on their doorstep that morning are ruined at 12:01 when Brian Burke awkwardly pops out of it.

Colton Orr, Toronto, 2009 - Orr becomes one of the highest paid enforcers in league history, thanks to a deal with Toronto that pays him a quarter for every time he punches Matt Carkner in the face.

Marion Gaborik, New York, 2009 - The Rangers sign the oft-injured star to a $37.5M deal. While other teams were willing to match the money, the Rangers were the only team to meet Gaborik's demands of a "no playoff-clinching shooutout" clause.

Brian Campbell & Cristobal Huet, Chicago, 2008 - The Blackhawks sign the pair to long-term contracts that most observers feel are significantly overpriced. While many fans fear the contracts will cripple the Hawks, the front office assures fans that the team will be able to stay under the salary cap thanks to careful roster management, judicious use of buyouts, or at least some other team eventually hiring Rick Dudley.

Thomas Vanek, Edmonton, 2007 - After an 84-point season, Vanek signs a $50M offer sheet with the Oilers which the Sabres are forced to match. After realizing how close he came to spending the rest of his career in Edmonton, a shaken Vanek vows to never risk attracting the Oilers' attention again by spending the next several seasons disguised as a second-liner.

Gary Roberts, Toronto, 2000 - Roberts agrees to terms with the Leafs, choosing their contract of just under $3M a season over the Senators' offer of "Oh god, sir, please don't hurt us, take whatever you want and just leave us alone".

Chris Drury and Scott Gomez, New York, 2007 - Upon learning that critics are calling the signings the worst free agent contracts that are even theoretically possible, Glen Sather mutters "we'll see about that" and circles Wade Redden's name with a yellow highlighter.

Sean Avery, Dallas, 2008 - Upon signing Avery, Stars general manager Brett Hull tells him "Hey, I know you're better known as a Ranger, but we don't mind picking up other teams' sloppy seconds. Ha ha! Um, why are you writing that down?"

Peter Forsberg, Philadelphia, 2005 - Coming out of the NHL lockout, Forsberg shuns the Avalanche to sign with the Flyers. "I really wanted to make the right decision," Forsberg tells reporters, "because I know that the experience of being an unrestricted free agent is one I'll only ever get to have once, maybe twice, per year, for the rest of my career."

Jason Blake, Toronto, 2007 - The Leafs agree to terms with Blake early in the day, although the actual contract signing is delayed several hours due to technical problems after it's discovered that John Ferguson Jr. had earlier tried to fax himself a grilled cheese sandwich.

Deadline online: NHL GMs hit the web to look for deals

With the trade deadline now just 48 hours away, NHL GMs are scrambling to work out deals. But it's not easy. As everyone knows, the CBA has made it much more difficult than ever to close a deal. Mix in the continuing economic uncertainty and a league in which virtually every team is still in the playoff hunt, and it's never been harder to pull the trigger on a trade.

So what's an NHL GM to do? Simple. Get creative.

It turns out that NHL GMs are using every tool at their disposal to try to create a market for the players they want to move. And after spending some time today searching some popular web sites, I can report that a few NHL GMs are getting active online.

For example, new management in Montreal wants to move a goaltender, and they're working hard to start a bidding war -- literally.

Download large version

Meanwhile, this Craigslist ad was posted anonymously. But something about it seems vaguely familiar.

Download

And finally, Glen Sather wants to dump some bad contracts and has his work cut out for him. I don't think he'll have much luck, but you can't say he's not trying.

Download large version

When teammates attack: Other teammate-inflicted NHL injuries

The Florida Panthers' playoff
chances: an interpretive dance

Keith Ballard is the talk of the hockey world today, thanks to his bizarre slash to the head that left teammate Tomas Vokoun bleeding on a stretcher.

But while Ballard is certainly an extreme case, he's not the first NHL player to accidentally cause an injury to a teammate. In fact, over the past few years the league has seen several regrettable incidents. Here's a look at some that had the biggest impact.

The player: Jonas Gustavsson
The injury: Heart arrhythmia due to repetitive trauma to the middle of his chest
What happened: Cumulative effect from a full month of facing Jason Blake in practice every day.

The player: Joe Thornton
The injury: Damaged windpipe due to choking
What happened: Unaware of strict internal rules regarding team meals, new teammate Dany Heatley mentions the word "playoffs".

The player: Andrei Markov
The injury: Sprained MCL
What happened: Repetitive strain of constantly having to drop to one knee to hold a conversation with the Habs' various offseason acquisitions.

The player: Brad Boyes
The injury: Severe hoof damage across his back
What happened: Wandered in between Keith Tkachuk and the post-game buffet.

The player: Alexei Ponikarovsky
The injury: Lower back pain, swollen ankles, and gestational diabetes
What happened: Accidentally made eye contact with Luke Schenn.

The player: Entire Vancouver Canucks defence
The injury: Second and third degree sunburns to the back of the neck.
What happened: Were forced to play an entire game in front of Andrew Raycroft.

The player: Rick DiPietro
The injury: Multiple fractures, torn ligaments, internal organ failure
What happened: Teammate Brendan Witt turned on a rotating fan in the dressing room, causing a light breeze.

The player: Marian Hossa
The injury: Lacerations to both wrists
What happened: New teammate Patrick Kane introduced himself by saying "Wow, you played for Pittsburgh and Detroit? Can I see your Cup rings?"

The player: Marc Staal
The injury: Impaired vision
What happened: Learning the details of Wade Redden's free agent contract caused eyes to cartoonishly pop out of head, detaching both retinas.

The player: Daniel Carcillo
The injury: Concussion
What happened: During a heated debate on the validity of the inferential thesis, Carcillo argues for Gibson's "ecological approach" to the conception of perception, leading Riley Cote (a known advocate of Fodor and Pylyshyn's stance that affordances presuppose direct perception and therefore can not be used to explain it) to hit him over the head with a folding chair.

The player: Chris Neil
The injury: Two broken ankles
What happened: Instinctively leapt out of eighth floor hotel window after Chris Phillips mentioned that the bellhop kind of looked like Colton Orr.

The player: Chris Drury
The injury: Existential crisis
What happened: Realization that Sean Avery continues to pull incredibly hot women forced him to question the very existence of a just and merciful god.

The player: Mike Fisher
The injury: Broken jaw and fractued orbital bone
What happened: Tried to keep a straight face when Daniel Alfredsson delivered his "Go ahead and write it, I guarantee we'll win the Cup" quote.

Etiquette tips for the Jason Spezza wedding

The happy couple.

The big talk in Ottawa this week has been about the Jason Spezza wedding, and the question of how the media should handle an appearance by Dany Heatley. Local media debated the delicate question of whether it was appropriate to use the occasion to ask Heatley about his trade demands.

That question is moot now, since Heatley has decided not to show up. But the wedding will still be a major social event featuring plenty of NHL personalities, and that means there will be any number of etiquette questions that attendees may need help sorting through.

I know that several DGB readers are planning to attend this weekend's ceremony. So to help avoid any embarrassment, here's a handy etiquette guide. Feel free to print it out and take it with you.

No matter how adorable he looks in his little tuxedo, DO NOT tell Cory Clouston that you're sure he'll do a great job as ring boy.

DO NOT linger and stare at Wade Redden as he hands out programs at the front door, even though it will be the first time you've seen him actually do anything in two years.

If you see a hockey player who's sobbing and crying constantly, DO NOT assume that they're overcome with the emotion of the ceremony. It could also be Sidney Crosby.

When Bryan Murray is invited up to do the traditional readings from Ephesians, Colossians and Ecclesiastes, DO put on your raincoat.

When Spezza makes his vow to remain forever faithful, DO NOT laugh when Daniel Alfredsson leans over and whispers "I guarantee it".

DO be understanding if there's confusion on the groom's side during the exchange of rings. Remember, they're Ottawa Senators -- none of them have ever seen a ring before.

When the minister delivers his sermon on the importance of honoring commitments, DO NOT interrupt him to point out that the phrase "overpaid, one-eyed, gap-toothed, cherry picking glory boy" does not actually appear in the bible.

If you see Brian Burke at the reception, DO alert security. He wasn't invited, he just automatically shows up anywhere he thinks there might be a live microphone.

DO NOT get stuck behind Kyle Wellwood in the buffet line. This isn't really etiquette, but it will prevent you from starving to death.

Occasional place setting mixups are to be expected at a crowded reception. DO NOT make a big deal out of the fact that everyone has a cup except Marian Hossa.

No matter how nice his tuxedo looks, DO NOT ask Mike Comrie which ventriloquist supply store he got it at.

If you are seated next to Mike Fisher and Carrie Underwood, DO NOT repeatedly refer to her as "the poor man's Jessica Simpson". One time is enough.

If the bride informs you that they're planning an extended honeymoon in August, DO NOT create an awkward situation by turning to Spezza and saying "Wait, won't that interfere with you attending the Canadian Olympic team training camp?"

If you run into Martin Gerber at the reception, DO NOT ask him if he enjoyed the ceremony. He's actually just there to bus tables.

If you are Eugene Melnyk, no matter how much you want to create a sense of excitement and team spirit, DO NOT hire the gladiator guy to stand next to Spezza's honeymoon bed shouting "RISE UP!"

Maple Leafs Overtime Heroes: Gary Roberts vs the Senators

Maple Leafs Overtime Heroes is an ongoing series where we'll look back at memorable Leaf playoff overtime goals. Today's goal is Gary Roberts' triple overtime winner against the Senators in game two of their 2002 playoff series.

In the opening game of their 2002 second round series, the Ottawa Senators handed the Maple Leafs their most lopsided playoff loss of the modern era.

Oh sure, there have been games with a bigger margin of victory than that night's 5-0 Sens win. But anyone who saw the game would know that it could have been much worse. The Senators scored all five goals by the midway mark of the second period, and then shut it down. If they'd wanted to, they could have won 10-0 that night. It was that bad.

So heading into game two, the Leafs were already facing a must-win. With a long list of injured players that included captain Mats Sundin, it would have been all but impossible for Toronto to come back from a 2-0 series deficit. After all, they would be playing the next two games in Ottawa in front of 19,000 rabid fans, almost half of whom would have been cheering for the Senators.

No momentum. No captain. No hope. And no choice but to find some way, any way, to win.

Hmm... what would Gary do?

Let's review the tape:

The goal
Not much to talk about here, since the goal takes exactly two seconds. Let's just saw it's awful, and move on to everything that happens after.

Patrick Lalime's reaction
When we looked at the Mike Foligno overtime goal, I credited Tim Cheveldae with one of the great overtime "losing goaltender sprint off the ice" moves of all-time.

If you've ever wondered why goalies do that, here's Patrick Lalime to show you the alternative. As soon as the goal goes in, he does everything short of put a gun in his mouth.

Now I always thought Lalime got a bad rap from Ottawa fans, since we would have need a GAA of -1.00 to outduel Curtis Joseph or Eddie Belfour. But dear lord, Patrick, pull yourself together and get off the ice. The Sens were a young team, and nothing says "we don't really think we can win" like a goaltender who responds to one bad goal like my two-year-old realizing the Dora DVD has ended.

Of course, Lalime would later top himself in game seven of the 2004 series when he reacted to Joe Nieuwendyk's second goal by slumping to his knees, screaming something, then crawling over the zamboni and wrapping his lips around the tailpipe.

Still not the worst thing a Senator has
ever put up their nose

Wade Redden
The clearcut highlight of the entire video is the shot at 0:30 of Wade Redden sitting on the bench with his finger up his nose, reacting to the goal by saying something that looks vaguely like "that's freaking great". Don't read lips, kids!

By the way, "Wade Redden sitting on the bench with his finger up his nose" was the title of the New York Rangers 2008-09 year in review DVD.

Ken Dryden clapping
I need to get this off my chest: What the hell was the deal with the way Ken Dryden clapped? This always bothered me. It was always the same: angry face, way too much intensity, hands held uncomfortably high, and just slamming his palms together with no coordination at all.

How is it possible to look so uncool when you're clapping? Are we sure this guy was one of the greatest players of his generation? Is it possible he died in 1999 and the Leafs replaced him in the press box with a badly made life-sized puppet?

You're with me, pleather.

Rod Bryden's jacket
I don't even have a punchline.

But I do have questions, such as: Where did he get that jacket? Is there some sort of "custom made novelty leather jacket" store that only rich people have access to? Has anyone other than Rod Bryden and Michael Jackson ever appeared in public wearing a bright red leather jacket? And where is that jacket now, is it for sale, and how much do you want for it?

Walter Gretzky?
Wait, is that Walter Gretzky appearing for a brief moment in a crowd shot? This guy is practically hockey royalty. Quick, everyone be on their best behavior! And for god's sake, don't let the mascot try to hump anything!

Carlton the Beat humping the glass
Yes, OK, so Carlton humps the glass at 2:00. Look folks, he's a bear. He has instincts. If you're going to hire a bear to be part of your game day marketing staff, this is just part of the deal. If the Leafs didn't think that was acceptable behavior, they shouldn't have let him walk around wearing a jersey and no pants.

The Most Obscure Guy in the Pile
I'm launching a new feature: "The Most Obscure Guy in the Pile", where we look at famous celebrations and try to pick out the most insignificant player involved.

Our inaugural winner is... Anders Eriksson! He's the guy wearing #44 and giving Roberts an extended head rub. This completely useless defenceman played 38 career games for the Leafs, recorded no goals and two assists, was once traded for Chris Chelios, and recently won the coveted "Most Swedish Name of All-time" award. There's at least a 90% chance that Roberts has no idea who he is.

Congratulations, Anders! Now get off the ice. And, um, you may not want to brush up against the glass on your way out.

New ideas for Alex Ovechkin's next celebration

The debate over Alex Ovechkin's "too hot to handle" 50th goal celebration rages on. Harmless fun? Contrived nonsense? Great marketing? A blight on the game?

Lost in the all the debate was the fact that, as far as pre-planned celebrations go, this one was kind of lame. Pretending that a hockey stick was hot? Let's just say Terrell Owens probably isn't losing any sleep.

No, he didn't have much to work with. But even with little more than a hockey stick at his disposal, the most creative player in the league should have been able to come up with something better.

So, with the Capitals in town to face the Leafs on Tuesday, I humbly offer Alex a few suggestions. Here are some stick-based celebrations, inspired by his fellow NHL personalities, that I hope to see Ovechkin use the next time he scores a big goal.

The "Sidney Crosby" - Place stick on ice. Skate towards it. Once within a few feet, dramatically hurl self into the air even though stick never touched you. Watch with satisfaction as stick is given a double minor.

The "Jason Spezza" - File blade of stick down to an illegally small tip, then use that blade to make spectacularly creative drop passes to opposing team for game-losing goal. Giggle girlishly upon learning that coach has been fired.

The "Eklund" - Copy a celebration you saw on TSN and pass it off as your own.

The "Teemu Selanne" - Hold stick like a rifle, throw glove into the air, and pretend to shoot at it until it crashes lifelessly to the ground.

The "Wade Redden" - Hold stick like a rifle, throw New York Rangers salary cap situation for the next six years into the air, and pretend to shoot at it until it crashes lifelessly to the ground. Then pee on it.

The "Damien Cox" - Come up with two, maybe three different celebrations. Recycle them endlessly, changing only minor details, for several years. Wonder why nobody takes you seriously anymore.

The "Marian Hossa" - Swing stick wildly in the air, then place novelty fake eyeball on the end of the blade. Watch as the Ottawa Sun sports department refuses to acknowledge that your celebration ever happened.

The "Derek Boogaard" - Look at stick with confusion, trying to figure out which end is supposed to go on the ice and what exactly you're supposed to do with it.

The "John Tavares" - Pull out a newspaper and read the bottom of the NHL standings. Repeatedly smash stick into own temple.

The "Martin St. Louis" - Hold stick vertically over head. Standing on tippy-toes, unsuccessfully attempt to touch crossbar.

The "Daniel Alfredsson" - Break stick, then hilariously pretend to throw it into crowd. Once laughter has subsided, smile knowingly, wink at fans, then get crushed by Mark Bell so badly that you end up twitching on the ice, coughing up a misty cloud made from the powdery dust that was once your sternum.

The "Carey Price" - Use stick to swat large beach ball into net.

The "Mats Sundin" - Paint the logos of all thirty NHL teams in a circle on the ice. Place stick in the middle and twirl it, spin-the-bottle-style. Allow stick to continue spinning until everyone else completely loses interest.

The "Down Goes Brown" - Make the observation that Mats Sundin is indecisive. Use stick to beat this joke into the ground for months on end.

The "Gary Bettman" - Douse stick in gasoline and light match. As fire roars uncontrollably, fiddle.

The "Dion Phaneuf" - Pick up somebody else's stick after they've already finished using it.