Grab bag: When deadline deals go bad

In this week's grab bag:
- Gary Bettman doesn't think the fans liked CapGeek
- A tough anniversary for Canadian hockey fans
- The week's three comedy stars
- An obscure player who was once traded for Jaromir Jagr
- And let's watch a bunch of sad Hartford Whaler fans deal with the Ron Francis trade

>> Read the full post on Grantland

The New York Rangers head coaching vacancy questionnaire

Messier aced the "Where is the
faceoff after every shot on goal
against the Flyers" question.

The New York Rangers have apparently found their new head coach. While the deal hasn't been formally signed, reports say that the Rangers have settled on former Canucks coach Alain Vigneault and will make the official announcement soon.

Assuming those reports are true, it will conclude a lengthy and at times bizarre search that involved plenty of big names. In addition to Vigneault, the Rangers were rumored to be considering legendary former players like Mark Messier and Wayne Gretzky, and even names like Ulf Samuelsson and Brian Leetch were mentioned.

According to reports, GM Glen Sather had each of the candidates fill out a questionnaire prior to being interviewed. It goes without saying that DGB spies were quickly able to locate a copy and pass it along.

***

Thank you for your interest in becoming the next coach of the New York Rangers. To help us process the many candidates we expect to apply, please fill out this brief questionnaire to help us get to know you.

Your first name: ________________
Your last name: ________________
Your nickname when you played with the Rangers, which we're just going to go ahead and assume you did: ________________

Date you are available to start work: ________________
Date you are available to stop work, if you make Henrik Lundqvist mad: ________________

Your salary demands: ________________
(Note: this form will be reviewed by Glen Sather, so just go ahead and write in literally anything for that last one.)

Do you have any experience as a head coach in an NHL market?
( ) No.
( ) Nope.
( ) None at all.
( ) Coached in Montreal and Vancouver for a total of 11 seasons
( ) Coached in Phoenix for four seasons, so… no.

What would you say is the most important skill that a New York Rangers coach must possess?
( ) Familiarity with the CBA's buyout section
( ) Ability to resist punching Larry Brooks
( ) Willingness to attend Stanley Cup parades every half-century whether you want to or not
( ) Staying calm during difficult times by quietly mumbling "Well, at least we're not the Sabres".

What do you like best about the current New York Rangers organization?
( ) Notice you have decided to go with one and only one starting goalie; kind of wish my old boss had thought of that.
( ) Love Ryan McDonagh's two-way game, and sure hope we have more guys like him being developed by our farm team in Montreal.
( ) Really like the way you always keep your "Days since we last employed Sean Avery" sign updated.
( ) Have so many good young leaders that a New York Ranger player will definitely be winning the Mark Messier Leadership Award every year for a long long time, if you play your cards right.

Do you have any unique talents or abilities that you feel we should be aware of?
( ) Was the best hockey player in the world and the only reason Glen Sather has all those Cup rings that keep him employed to this day, but don't let that affect your decision or anything.
( ) On free agency day, can repeatedly hit my general manager on the nose with a rolled up newspaper while yelling "NO!" every time the phone rings.
( ) Don't want to get into it, but let's just say I'm on a first name basis with like half the local riot squad in two different cities.
( ) When I set my mind to it, can achieve the impossible. For example, have occasionally succeeded in eating just one.

Do you have any concerns about taking this position?
( ) Ryan Clowe and Darroll Powe's names don't rhyme and that's always just really bothered me for some reason.
( ) Would like to put together a long-term strategic plan, so it would be cool if we could eventually get one or two players signed past next season.
( ) Realize that part of the New York sports scene involves dealing with celebrities, but still not sure why the lead singer from this horrible band is always walking around MSG like he owns the place.
( ) Sort of creeped out by how realistic those mounted heads of sportswriters hanging in the old coach's office are

What would you say are the odds that you get this job?
( ) Pretty good.
( ) Just OK.
( ) Definite longshot.
( ) Not sure, let me ask my wife.

Finally, if you are the successful candidate, what would you do on your first day on the job?
( ) Get to work preparing a game plan for next year's playoff series against the Capitals.
( ) Try to cheer up that depressed looking usher by asking him if he knows how much he looks like Brad Richards
( ) Take off pants; sit on photocopier; fax results to Mike Gillis.
( ) Probably Google "How to be a hockey coach" since that is something I have never been in my entire life.

Thank you for your interest in this position. Please note that the successful candidate will be contacted next week. The unsuccessful candidates will be contacted next season, during our first losing streak.

---

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Grantland: A visual guide to four decades of Bruins/Penguins hatred

The Bruins and Penguins are three games into their conference finals matchup, and the series has already produced its share of bad blood. We’ve seen Matt Cooke ejected for hitting Andrew McQuaid from behind, a fight between Evgeni Malkin and Patrice Bergeron, and Sidney Crosby going nose-to-chest with Zdeno Chara. And that was just Game 1. As the series continues, it’s become clear that these two teams just don’t seem to like each other.

The animosity doesn’t come as much of a surprise, given which teams we're talking about. And we don’t just mean this year — Boston and Pittsburgh have a history that goes back decades, and it has featured some memorably nasty moments.

Here’s a visual guide to the history of the Penguins and Bruins hating each other.

>> Read the full post on Grantland

A brief history of the Conference Finals

Ever the sportsman, Chara decided he wouldn't hit the
guy until he’d given him a chance to stand up.

The Conference Finals are underway, and so far they haven't exactly been the most entertaining. The Penguins and Bruins may be headed for a sweep, and the Hawks and Kings have so far served up a predictable series of home team wins. While there's still time for some excitement, so far the two series haven't served up much.

That's unfortunate, and it's also at least somewhat rare. Over the years the Conference Finals have often proven to be the most interesting round of the NHL playoffs, and have featured some of hockey's most enduring moments.

Let's take a look back through the NHL history book at some memorable Conference Finals matchups.

1979 - Don Cherry's Bruins take a too-many-men penalty during game seven against the Habs, which must be some sort of call that they've since taken out of the rulebook according to current Penguins players who are pretty sure the Bruins have been using an extra guy this entire series.

1989 - Ron Hextall earns a 12-game suspension after charging from his net and viciously attacking Montreal's Chris Chelios. Or, as an entire generation of Philadelphia sports fans will grow to refer to it, "the most sensible thing a Flyers goalie has ever done in my lifetime".

1993 - While it's normal to want to celebrate taking a 3-2 series lead with a little bit of music, the Maple Leafs will later regret asking Wayne Gretzky if they could borrow that piano he's been carrying around on his back.

2000 - Scott Stevens cements his status as the league's hardest hitter on a devastating open ice check on Eric Lindros, and by "status" we mean "shoulder pad" and by "cements" we mean "fills with actual cement".

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Jarome Iginla vs. Jaromir Jagr: An in-depth comparison

After 15 years in Calgary, Jarome Iginla tries to
remember which facial muscles you use to smile.

The trade deadline has come and gone, and two names dominated: Jaromir Jagr and Jarome Iginla. It's not the first time in their careers that they've found themselves with something in common.

Both are right wingers known for using their size and strength. Both are members of the exclusive 500-goal club. And of course, both were moved in the days leading up to the 2013 NHL trade deadline.

But despite the similarities, there are some subtle differences between the two players. Let's take a more in-depth look at these two legends.

Jagr: Has always worn the number 68, in recognition of the first year of the Czechoslovakian rebellion known as the Prague Spring.
Iginla: Has always worn the number 12, in recognition of the final year that the Flames front office would be able to convince themselves they were still Stanley Cup contenders.

Iginla: His full name is Jarome Arthur-Leigh Adekunle Tig Junior Elvis Iginla.
Jagr: His full name includes several graphical references to anatomical functions as well as his mother, according to every Penguins fan you mention him too.

Jagr: Played most of his career in Pittsburgh alongside players like Mario Lemieux, Ron Francis and Paul Coffey, which taught him valuable lessons about how to consistently perform at Hall of Fame level.
Iginla: Played most of his career in Calgary alongside players like Craig Conroy, Daymond Langkow and Matthew Lombardi, teaching him a valuable lesson about life not being fair.

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Grantland: Ranking history's greatest dirtbags

Sabres forward Patrick Kaleta remains suspended this week, ineligible to return to action until next Sunday after his dangerous hit from behind on Brad Richards. The incident led to renewed debate over whether Kaleta now deserves the title of the NHL’s most despicable player.

There’s not exactly a shortage of competition. Whether it’s Matt Cooke, Raffi Torres, or Daniel Carcillo, there are plenty of players these days who can leave fans tearing their hair out. Whether you’d prefer to call them agitators, pests, flat-out dirty, or just stains on the game, chances are you’re not alone in screaming at your TV whenever their smirking faces appear.

But this post isn’t about them. After all, each of today’s NHL villains is simply following in the footsteps of those who came before them. So today, let’s pay tribute to the previous generation. These 10 players may no longer be in the NHL, but their legacies helped lay the groundwork for players like Patrick Kaleta, who make the game what it is today.

>> Read the full post on Grantland

Other NHL brother acts

The Courtnall brothers persevered and made the
NHL despite growing up in a town with no barbers.

The weekend's NHL draft unexpectedly turned into a family reunion, thanks to a pair of high-profile players being traded to the teams that already employ their brothers. The Penguins made the first move on Friday, dealing Jordan Staal to the Hurricanes where he'll team up with his brother Eric. The Maple Leafs followed suit on Saturday, finally pulling the trigger on a long-rumored trade that made Luke Schenn a teammate of brother Brayden on the Philadelphia Flyers.

But while it was an interesting quirk to have both deals made within 24 hours of each other, it's not all that unusual to see brothers sharing the spotlight in the NHL. From the Richards to the Espositos to the Sedins, the league has a long history of siblings sharing the ice as both teammates and opponents.

Here's a look at some of the other NHL brother acts that have played together or otherwise crossed paths during their careers.

Rich and Ron Sutter - Became the first set of identical twins to suit up for the same NHL team during the 1983-84 season in Philadelphia, marking the only time that Flyer opponents were able to see double without first getting sucker punched off the opening faceoff.

Rob and Scott Niedermayer - Won a Stanley Cup together in Anaheim in 2007 while establishing themselves as prototypical Brian Burke players, in the sense that neither one of them has any idea how to play goal.

Saku and Mikko Koivu - In addition to being brothers, both players have been NHL captains who've been criticized for not communicating properly in the local language; Saku in Montreal, because he could not speak French, and Mikko in Minnesota, because he is able to properly pronounce vowels.

Max, Doug and Reg Bentley - A goal by Reg in 1943 marked the first time in NHL history that three brothers all recorded points on the same goal and it will sure be fun to do the same thing in Carolina in a few years, says Marc Staal before realizing he probably wasn't supposed to say that last part out loud.

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2012 NHL Draft Preview

Unsurprisingly, Brian Burke is desperate to trade up
for the one who apparently can't tie a necktie.

With the Stanley Cup final wrapping up last Monday, hockey fans were forced to endure over one full week without any major NHL news. Luckily, our long collective nightmare is now over: The NHL draft starts on Friday night, and we can spend the rest of the week speculating about which young players will wind up where.

Of course, NHL scouting departments have been preparing for this weekend for months. They've compiled detailed reports on each player available and can recite their strengths and weaknesses with ease. But the casual fan may only be getting caught up on the top prospect now, which doesn't leave much time to cram before things get started on Friday.

Here's a look at some of the names that fans can expect to hear called early in the 2012 NHL draft.

Nail Yakupov - The consensus top pick has recently added a previously unseen physical aspect to his game, according to all those holes he punched in his wall after watching the Oilers win the draft lottery.

Alex Galchenyuk - Impressed scouts at the combine by showing off his surgically repaired left knee, although some admit they'd have felt even better if it hadn't been inside a jar with holes poked in the lid.

Ryan Murray - The young blueliner has been described as a perfect fit for the New York Islanders, so apparently he's really good at turning to the referee and saying "I think our goalie's bones just exploded".

Filip Forsberg - Is often incorrectly assumed to be related to former NHL star Peter Forsberg, which is understandable since he's Swedish, an excellent two-way center, and retired from hockey four separate times last season.

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Ways the Maple Leafs would be different if Wayne Gretzky owned them

The new owner gets his first look
at the Mike Komisarek contract.

The slow-moving saga that is the sale of the Toronto Maple Leafs received an unexpected jolt late last week with speculation that Wayne Gretzky could have a role with a new ownership group.

Initial reports indicated that Gretzky had been approached by one or more potential buyers. Gretzky briefly seemed to confirm that, before later backtracking and denying any involvement in a deal. Confusion reigned, with various insiders trying to interpret Gretzky's words to figure out what, if anything, was really going on. And once all the smoke cleared, it seemed like the whole thing may have been one big false alarm.

But why let reality spoil the fun? After all, the mere rumour of Gretzky's involvement was enough to get hockey fans thinking: What if The Great One were to invest in the Maple Leafs? What kind of impact would he have on one of the league's most storied franchises?

The best guess is that Gretzky's arrival in Toronto would bring plenty of changes:

• Every Leaf fan you know would start bringing up the Gretzky/Gilmour high-sticking incident 10 times a day, instead of eight times a day like they have been for the past 18 years.
  
  
• Any potential NHL owner who has ever publicly argued in favour of placing a team in Hamilton would immediately start getting ominous phone calls from Dave Semenko inviting them to go for a canoe ride.
  
  
• Gretzky would use his show business connections to land Phil Kessel a starring spot on Saturday Night Live, just to ensure that somebody finally breaks his record for "most awkward SNL host of all-time".
  
  
• Edmonton Oilers fans would feel oddly conflicted when Maple Leafs ownership signs Taylor Hall and Jordan Eberle as free agents in five years.
  

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